The percentage game
COOKING and catastrophe.
Reader Nicola Lynch has always revered the culinary arts and recently treated herself to lessons in preparing Italian cuisine.
In one of the first classes she had to make a simple pasta dish, and was rather nervous about how the cooking instructor would judge her effort.
When the dish was ready the instructor took a taste, and all seemed to be well, for he nodded encouragingly, then said: “You know, that’s not half bad.”
He then added: “It’s 49.99% bad, but not half.”
The cash nexus
EARLIER this week Don Hamilton from Dundee was having lunch with an old friend.
The two men were discussing the ups and downs of their respective careers, when Don’s friend said: “I just wish I’d earned enough money so that I could know for sure that it doesn’t bring you happiness. Empirical evidence, that’s all I’m asking for.”
Running for office
FORMER athlete Brian Whittle has thrown his hat into the ring to become the next leader of the Scottish Conservatives.
Brian had a prestigious career as a track runner, though is perhaps most famous for racing in the 1986 European Championships 4 X 400 metres relay with only one shoe, after a fellow competitor accidentally stood on his foot and deprived him of this useful item of attire.
With this in mind, reader Robert Menzies has been mulling over Whittle’s chances of becoming Tory boss, and concludes: “Maybe not a shoo-in?”
Liquid assets
READING an article concerning a man who claims to have sampled 50,000 different types of beer, Stevie Campbell from Blantyre concluded this is no big deal, for he has achieved something similar.
“I developed a fondness for Tennent’s lager about 48 years ago, and have drank at least 50,000 pints of the big T,” he proudly reveals.
With slightly less swagger he adds: “When my wife reads this I’ll be moving into the local hostelry.”
Problem child
AFTER a busy day shopping, reader Emma Thomas returned home to her grumpy nineteen-year-old son, who greeted her with the welcoming words: “Where have you been? I’m starving.”
“Oh, sorry,” Emma immediately replied. “I hadn’t realised I took the cooker and microwave with me when I went out.”
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Digit deprivation
DIARY Legal Correspondent Peter Wright from West Kilbride tells us the following story.
“A judge had an unfortunate accident doing DIY joinery on the bench at home, losing his thumbs in the process,” reports Peter. “He is now known as Justice Fingers.”
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