Oh no, please don't let Kamala Harris win the White House

Reader Craig McCormick fervently hopes Kamala Harris loses the Presidential race.

Not because our correspondent is anxious to see the shouty orange fella regain the front-door key to the White House.

“I’m sick of having to repeatedly correct my wife,” explains Craig. “Every time Harris is on the news, my missus says, ‘There’s that Pamela Harris.’

“No matter how many times I explain that’s not her name, she never gets it right.”

Adds our exasperated reader: “For some reason my wife doesn’t have a similar problem with Trump. When he appears on the news, she just says: ‘There’s that numpty.’”

Dead hard

WE mentioned the popular phrase "thinking outside the box".

Reader Doug Roberts ghoulishly says: “We all end up in a coffin, which is a type of box.

“Which means that everyone alive, who has not yet been encased in their very own plywood overcoat, can truthfully boast that they are thinking outside the box.

“What’s really difficult to do is think INSIDE the box, as any dead person will tell you.”

Horsing around

THE Paris Olympics continues to delight spectators with a feast of running, jumping, high kicks and flailing about, all of which is surprisingly similar to your average Saturday night in Glasgow city centre.

Diary readers, of course, are far too sophisticated to take any notice of the sporting prowess on offer, especially when there’s more important issues to consider.

“Nice to see nominative determinism creeping into the Games,” says John Mulholland, who notes, “The Great Britain Equestrian Eventing Team has a rider called Rosalind Canter.”

Barrie Crawford spotted this sign in a shop window in York, and says: “I hope they remember to change the bottles once the paying customers arrive…” (Image: Contributed)

Spirited behaviour

AN uplifting tale of Scotland’s health conscious youth.

A Stockbridge reader was on an Edinburgh bus and overheard a young man say to another: "My girlfriend now drinks vodka instead of wine. She says it has less fat in it."

Cooking for beginners

THE daughter of reader Tina Gibson starts her first term at Nottingham University later this year, and she’s understandably nervous about living away from home for the first time.

She asked Tina for any cooking tips that might come in handy.

Tina provided the following culinary advice, which she wrote down on paper so her daughter wouldn’t forget.

How To Make a Baked Potato in Two Easy Steps…

Step 1: Take potato.

Step 2: Bake potato.

(Her daughter was not amused.)

In the drink

“A FRIEND asked how much I spend on a good bottle of wine,” says reader Donna Turner. “So I said to her, ‘About 25 minutes.’”