Charmless chaps
YAY! The Olympics is upon us, where a bunch of sports we wouldn’t watch independently suddenly become really exciting when they are all squished together under a popular brand name.
Though not everyone is thrilled.
Ian Noble from Carstairs Village says: “I experienced a great sporting disappointment during the 2012 Olympics when I discovered that there was a beach volleyball event for men.”
Hard to swallow
THE Herald reported that office canteens are becoming increasingly popular.
Which reminds Malcolm Boyd from Milngavie of the time he was in one such dining establishment and his colleague enquired if the mince pie on the menu was homemade.
"Yes, homemade this morning," the catering lady proudly confirmed.
"In that case, I’ll have the fish," replied Malcolm’s friend.
Silly sausage
AT the weekend reader Vanessa Stewart was shopping in the Newton Mearns branch of Marks & Spencer and somehow managed to drive home minus one of the items she purchased, a pack of Cumberland sausages, which were left at the till.
She returned to the shop the same day to retrieve them, and as she was doing so, said to the assistant: “A-ha! So these are my missing links.”
The assistant merely stared at her, blank-faced.
“Clearly not a fan of the theories of Charles Darwin,” concludes Vanessa.
Brainy, bulgy beasts
A TALE that might concern our more timorous readers.
Diary correspondent Angus Marshall watches wildlife documentaries on TV, and recently discovered that orcas, otherwise known as those fiendish killer whales, are becoming more intelligent.
Angus informed a pal, who merely shrugged, then said: “Big deal. I’ve still not seen one of ’em win the World Chess Championship, recently.”
Upwardly mobile
CONFUSED reader Dave Harvey says: “Why are they called elevators when that’s only half their job?”
This charming man
SITTING in a café in Argyle Street, reader Rosie Henderson overheard two young ladies chatting, and one of them was all aflutter, for she had been out on a first date the night before.
“He’s dead handsome, so he is,” she gushed to her pal.
“Really?” replied the other young lady, eyebrow raised, perhaps not entirely believing her chum could bag a buff beau.
“Aye,” continued the courting queen, defiantly. “He doesnae just hae wan dimple oan his chin. He has pure hunners. All o’er his face.”
Summer shivers
THE weather report from reader Phil Howie, who tells us: “Not many people realise Argentina is surprisingly cold at this time of year. That’s because it’s bordering on Chile.”
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