Mauling = Moolah
WE’RE reminiscing about the bad old days of school, when a belt wasn’t merely a strip of leather that prevented a pair of trousers from falling down.
It was also a handy weapon used by bloodthirsty teachers to quell the rebellious spirit of pupils.
Though it didn’t always succeed, notes Jim Gracie from Sanquhar.
He’s reminded of his own errant youth, when 5th and 6th year high school scholars in the West of Scotland used the belt to their own advantage.
“At the beginning of each week the male pupils put two shillings into a kitty,” recalls Jim.
“The pupil who got the most beltings by the end of the week lifted the lot, which was usually between a quid and one pound 10 shillings, which was a lot of money in those days.
“Come Thursday and Friday we were doing our best to get belted two or three times a day… happy days!”
Mr Bumble
SO Joe has been given the old heave-ho.
The most powerful fella in the world wasn’t powerful enough to cling on to his job, and now President Biden is just biding his time until he’s replaced in the White House by some equally inept politician. (Because that’s how democracy works in the free world.)
Reader Robin Johnston argues that Joe has been treated unfairly, and that he should have been allowed to continue running for a second term, even though he has become notorious for bumbling and stumbling over his words.
“He’s entitled to make as many gaffes as he likes,” says Robin. “After all, he’s the 'Heid Gaffer' of the most powerful nation in the world.”
Temperature tangle
CONFUSED reader Eric Dunbar says: “We use our breath to give our hands warmth, but we also use it to cool hot drinks. Surely one method must be wrong…”
Bog-awful name
IN the 1980s reader Jane Marshall studied English Literature at Edinburgh Uni.
She was once in a tutorial discussing a famous poet, which inspired a fellow student to say: “D’you think he called himself TS Eliot so nobody would notice that T Eliot is toilet backwards?”
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Black Gold bard
THE Diary is improving the works of Wee Wullie Shakespeare by giving his plays a Scottish slant.
David Walker says: “I wonder whether the Bard might have celebrated a successful decommissioning of a North Sea rig with ‘Oil Well that Ends Well’.”
Noise annoys
EXASPERATED reader Madeline Dodds says: “Don’t bother calling the Tinnitus Helpline. It just keeps ringing.”
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