Noises off
ICONIC Glasgow chanteuse Lulu has been complaining about hearing loss, notes reader Robert Menzies.
Robert is entirely sympathetic, for it’s a terrible misfortune, especially for somebody working in the music industry.
However, he does add: “So what's new? Even as a 16-year-old she was constantly saying, ‘Shout!’”
MacShakey, continued
WE’RE improving the plays of Wee Wullie Shakespeare by providing them with a North of the Border setting.
John Mulholland suggests a theatrical extravaganza about a political party celebrating their election win in Scotland, at the expense of the once-dominant party.
This thrilling drama would, of course, be titled Loves Labour’s Gain.”
Raging about ageing
TRAUMATISED reader Karen McCormick gets in touch to say: “One minute you're young and carefree. The next minute your kids are asking for help with their history homework because ‘you were alive in the 20th century’."
Lost in translation
A FEW years ago Colin Taylor from Newton Mearns enjoyed a holiday in Los Angeles, where he and a couple of other sporting chums played the glitzy local golf courses.
On one occasion Colin was addressing the ball when he started to sniffle, snuffle and sneeze repeatedly.
He apologetically explained to his caddy: “Must be my hay fever acting up.”
The caddy was exceedingly knowledgeable about golf, though clearly didn’t know much about medical maladies, for he replied defensively: “Oh no, sir. That can’t be the case. We don’t have any hay on this course. Only grass.”
Pooped pet
ON a train from Glasgow to Edinburgh reader Tom Spence overheard two smartly-dressed middle-aged chaps chatting.
Said one to the other: “I’ve always wondered why people use the phrase ‘dog-tired’. It’s not as though dogs get up early, put on a suit and tie, and go to work.”
Debate night
A FRIEND of reader Ken Reeves is notorious for his quarrelsome behaviour.
Ken was with this feisty fellow in the local boozer, along with other pals.
As usual the belligerent bloke began shaking his head, tutting his tongue and disagreeing with every statement made by the chaps.
Eventually an exasperated Ken turned to him and said: “You have to be the most argumentative person on the planet.”
“I never argue,” came the outraged reply. “I just like to explain why I’m always right.”
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Loopy Whoopi love
MOVIE fan David Burns says: “I always thought it was a pity that actress Whoopi Goldberg never married British horror icon, Peter Cushing, while he was still alive.
“Then she’d be known as Whoopi Cushing.”
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