The other day I was meandering around the supermarket when I witnessed a heated standoff unfolding between a mother and her teenage daughter beside a shelf of condiments.

After inadvertently earwigging as I reached for a bottle of balsamic vinegar, it transpired the showdown was over tomato ketchup.

Or rather: the daughter wanting a more expensive brand-name variety and the mum insisting that the store’s own-label was not only cheaper but tasted “the exact same”.

And in that moment, I was suddenly transported back to the late 1980s and early 1990s, when me and my mother would regularly have similar debates in Presto or Kwik Save.

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On one such occasion, we reached an impasse about mayonnaise, with me insisting that the own-label offering tasted like “dog sick mixed with wallpaper paste”, as my mum steadfastly - and correctly - refused to shell out extra for “a fancy bottle”.

To which I huffily responded: “Well, when I have my own house, I will only buy this kind and anything else that I want too.” A bold and naive statement that had pretty much everyone in the nearby vicinity rolling about the aisles with amusement.

Suffice to say, we left five minutes later with the cheaper mayonnaise and their guffaws of laughter still ringing in my ears.

It got me thinking about all the things that middle-aged me does now that would make my teenage self cringe with embarrassment. So, how uncool am I based on the lofty standards of my youth?

Let us count the ways…

My grocery shopping habits

I have no shame in admitting it: my mother was right. Maybe my taste buds have dulled as I’ve got older, but I honestly can’t tell the difference between most supermarket own-label foods and the more expensive brand names. Well, other than the price tag.

I would love to tell you that this also goes hand-in-hand with a mature, financial astuteness, but sadly the pennies saved tend to be splurged on random curios from the middle sections at Aldi and Lidl.

Wearing socks with sandals

One day you wake up and without even thinking about it, you reach for a pair of socks and put them on under your sandals. Forget The Lion King. This is the true circle of life. Coveting comfort over style.

Some years ago, I made the questionable sartorial choice of wearing a pair of cheap flip-flops while going to watch the Scottish Open at Loch Lomond. The slippery, wet grass that day was not my friend. Who knew you could get chilblains in July?

In more recent times, the teaming of socks and sandals has become a public service. Like many keen runners, I have hoofs to rival Mr Tumnus in the Narnia books. Socks hide a multitude of sins, not least black toenails, the remnants of blisters and yikes-inducing callouses.

Stopping drinking alcohol

After a bout of illness in mid-2022, I decided to focus on eating and drinking things that would heal and nourish my body as I recovered. I planned to cut out alcohol for a few weeks. Oddly, I didn’t miss it. Two years on, I still don’t. Believe me, I’m just as surprised as you are.

Ditching make-up

When I ceased wearing make-up during lockdown, it was a line in the sand. I wondered why I hadn’t done it sooner. These days, other than the occasional application of mascara if I’m feeling fancy, I go make-up free with bare-faced confidence. It is hugely liberating.

Not furnishing my entire home from Ikea

While I did stay true to my teenage aspirations of Billy bookcases, Lack tables and Poang chairs right through my twenties, my interior decor tastes have evolved. I would far rather pick up a vintage sideboard at a charity shop or salvage yard, than grapple with another flatpack.