Chatting Charlie
THE new Labour Government in Westminster will instigate many fresh policies, though the traditions of Parliament remain the same, such as the King’s Speech, delivered today.
Reader Lauren Deane was attempting to explain the significance of this important ritual to her 11-year-old son, who merely shrugged, then said: “What’s so amazing about the King speaking? Doesn’t he get to speak everyday, just like the rest of us?”
Who’s the daddy?
WE’RE recalling the grim old days when pupils were walloped by teachers.
(To be more precise, it was grim for the kids. Rather enjoyable for the teachers.)
Ian Noble from Carstairs Village was once in a school art class where pupils were instructed to draw a house.
“One little chap made a fair attempt, but coloured his house blue,” recalls Ian.
The art teacher, nicknamed Daddy Brush, reprimanded the child, explaining that houses were not painted blue.
The would-be artist assured Daddy Brush that his house was that colour.
“Do not be impudent boy!” retorted the beloved teacher, who proceeded to administer six of the belt.
The poor little artist was unable to draw for days, and consequently was left feeling just like his house… rather blue.
Location, location
WE’RE celebrating exotic holiday destinations, and recently mentioned a lucky youngster visiting the far-flung city of Rome for his summer break, though it transpired that he was merely going to Roam around the slightly more convenient destination of Glesga city centre.
Brian Collie tells us that he enjoyed a classic Scottish vacation when he was a youth, visiting the welcoming shores of Hamelldaeme, “Where my dad also spent his holidays as a wean.”
Flight of fancy
CONFUSED Peter Wright from West Kilbride asks: “Why do planes have a near miss when it was actually a near hit?”
More MacShakey
THE Diary is improving the plays of Wee Wullie Shakespeare by providing them with a North of the Border setting.
Reader David Donaldson takes a Scottish play and adds an extra dollop of Scottishness for seasoning.
“Not many people realise that Shakespeare wrote a prequel to the Scottish Play,” says David, “in which the hero rises to power in the village of Plockton. It ends with the tragic murder of Wee Jock, his loyal West Highland Terrier. It is, of course, Hamish Macbeth.”
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A TRAGIC tale from reader Steve Collins, who tells us: “I recently got divorced from my wife, though it was a fairly amicable separation, and we split the house. I got the outside.”
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