When in Rome
THE Glasgow Fair was always exciting when reader Malcolm Boyd was a youngster.
He recalls one year when he asked a classmate where he was going for his holidays.
"Rome," replied the pal.
"Rome!" swooned Malcolm. “That’ll be exciting.”
“Not really,” said the pal. “It’s Roam the streets of sunny Glasgow.”
Picnic pontifications
THE Scottish nation has not quite exhausted its expressions of sympathy with its southern neighbour after Sunday’s disappointing football result.
A few garrulous Glesga garglers are still to be heard slurring, “Ole!” or “Girrit rite upyiz!” (Which is an ancient Scots phrase meaning: “Commiserations, chaps. Better luck next time.”)
Many of our brethren were genuinely disappointed with the result, including Glasgow broadcaster and writer Muriel Gray, who watched the match intently, reporting her keen observations on social media.
Her wise words included pointing out that: “The Spanish man with so much beautiful curly hair you could run through it in your bare feet holding a picnic basket, has below the knee socks. Don’t tell me this isn’t a tactic.”
Factually accurate AND emotive.
The Diary is now lobbying for Muriel to replace the eminently disposable Gary Lineker in the BBC’s footballing hot seat…
Game on
THERE was slightly more partisanship from Glasgow comedian Mark Nelson, who admitted immediately after England’s defeat: “Can finally start enjoying this Euros now.”
Sickening behaviour
WITH the TRNSMT festival in Glasgow at the weekend there were many youngsters staggering round the city centre, presumably overcome by the music that had washed over them.
Reader Lisa Barr was in the Merchant City with her husband when she spotted one young woman walking with pals.
Dressed to the nines in high heels and silver mini-skirt, at one point this elegant gal paused, vomited copiously on the pavement, then sashayed onwards, unconcerned about the mess she left behind.
“She’s like one of those Disney Princesses,” said Lisa’s husband.
“Which one?” enquired Lisa.
“Puke-ahontas, of course,” said hubby.
More MacShakey
THE Diary is improving the plays of Wee Wullie Shakespeare by providing them with a Scottish setting.
David Donaldson suggests a Highland version of one of the Bard’s tragedies, which would be titled Timon of Atholl.
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Hot stuff
A TALE of décor and disintegration.
Reader John Cochrane notes that one of Glasgow’s crematoria is closing for a refurb.
Adds John: “Presumably suffering from burn-out.”
Small maladies
MEDICAL expert Victoria Stratton gets in touch to point out: “At least three of the seven dwarves could have their behaviour explained by seasonal allergies.”
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