Belt up
WE mentioned a poor wee chap who once got belted in primary school for the heinous crime of flipping a page in a text book with his tongue.
It reminds Jim White from Shawlands of his wife's experience in music class when she was in primary education.
Says Jim: “While the class were all singing a song, the teacher thought Lilian was playing the fool by singing as badly as she could. She was, sadly, singing as well as she could, but still ended up being belted. Happy days...”
Talking balls again
THE Diary is increasingly disturbed by the English football team’s tedious yet triumphant progression in Euro 2024, having witnessed them dumping the dreary Dutch into a dyke of despair.
Winning sporting tournaments isn’t a very British thing to do, and only an unpatriotic cad would delight in the events now spiralling out of control in Germany.
Roy McCulloch from Helensburgh is suspicious of the entire set-up, and says: “Just watching the footy, and realised that something must be wrong with Uefa as they have so many whistleblowers.”
Eastenders
GLASGOW’S popular outdoor theatre festival, Bard in the Botanics, is staging a Scottish adaptation of one of Shakespeare’s comedies, re-titled for the occasion as The Merry Wives of Wishaw.
The Diary is wondering what other works by Wee Wullie frae Stratford toon could be improved with a Scottish setting.
Christine Brooks suggests a tale of family foibles in the East End of Glasgow, which would, inevitably, be titled Hamlet, Prince of Dennistoun.
Brought to book
KICKYBALL continued.
Edinburgh novelist Irvine Welsh makes an audacious attempt to link England’s footballing success with his own personal fortune, when he says on social media: “The best way to celebrate England reaching the final is to buy a copy of my new novel Resolution.”
Adds the talented scribbler and canny salesman: “Only those devoid of patriotism and with no knowledge of football will pass up this opportunity.”
Polishing off pets
FRANCE is suffering political upheaval, with economic collapse a distinct possibility.
We reported that Scottish comedian Leo Kearse helpfully pointed out that if the hungry citizens of Gaul are forced to eat their pets, they will at least have cordon bleu recipes available to make the ordeal a decidedly yummy one.
Reader David Donaldson suggests one recipe on the menu might be kitten cuisine.
In other words, chat-eaubriand.
Bookended
“OUR local librarian recently died,” sobs reader Lisa Bell. “As a mark of respect we had a minute’s noise.”
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