Double trouble
THE Diary continues to be the premier forum for the most vexing philosophical questions of our times.
Reader Duncan Stevenson gets in touch to ask: “Why is it only one jacket – singular – but it’s a pair of trousers?”
Adds our perplexed correspondent: “Okay, I understand that trousers have two legs, but a jacket has two arms.
“So from now on I’ll be describing any jacket that I’m wearing as a pair of jackets.”
Sharp-end politics
NEW Labour MP for Cowdenbeath and Kirkcaldy, Melanie Ward, is getting to grips with the archaic ways of Parliament, such as the pink ribbon attached to her coat hanger, which is apparently for her sword.
“Unfortunately I left it in Fife this week,” says Melanie. “Must remember it next week…”
Bottling it
GLASGOW’S popular outdoor theatre festival, Bard in the Botanics, is currently performing a West Coast of Scotland adaptation of one of Shakespeare’s most riotous comedies, which has been re-titled for the occasion as The Merry Wives of Wishaw.
The Diary is curious to know what other plays by Oor Wullie Shakespeare could be staged with a Scottish slant.
Margaret Thomson suggests A Midsummer Night’s Dram.
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Class act
HORROR fan Richard Walker points out: “Mummies and zombies are the same monster, just from different sociological backgrounds.”
No to Joe
THE American President is on a very shoogly peg after his disastrous TV debate against Donald Trump, though he remains determined to contest the election.
Stevie Campbell from Hamilton says: “The question American citizens should ask themselves is: ‘Would I allow President Joe Biden to look after my pet hamster for an overnight?’
“If the answer is ‘No’ then I'm not sure that he is fit to run in the Presidential election.
P.S. my own hamster will not be visiting the White House in the near future.”
Glass act
WE continue ruining famous bands and singers by adding just one letter to their name.
Reader George Dale claims that the late, great movie icon Sean Connery used to sing on his rounds, back when he was a humble Edinburgh milkman.
It naturally followed that any tradesman he later employed, when he was rich and famous, had to follow suit.
Sean’s favourite was his warbling window cleaner… Shammy Davis Jnr.
Dead cocky
THINKING about his own mortality, reader Chris Robertson says: “When I eventually die, I want the word HUMBLE written in solid gold lettering on the fifteen-foot high marble statue of me that will stand above my final resting place.”
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