It’s a sunny morning in Stuttgart as Team Herald prepares for what we know may be our final day.

It’s do or die for Scotland – well, do or die or draw and hope an unlikely set of results go in our favour but that’s a lot less catchy.

Tonight’s opponents Hungary also have it all to play for, the Magyars knowing anything but a win – and probably by a couple of goals – will send them home.

It’s a strange feeling, this limbo, and with only two matches taking place today that ‘feast of football’ vibe you get from a summer tournament is also beginning to dissipate. There’s nothing to distract either sets of fans from the looming fixture other than industrial quantities of alcohol.


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There’s none of that for Team Herald though, as we grab a sober lunch ahead of the game. Jonny directs us to what he’s read is the best kebab shop in town, and we queue up to place our orders.

I peruse the menu and notice something strange. ‘Planted’ chicken. ‘Planted’ beef. What could this possibly mean? What follows recalls the scene in Stand By Me where the children, happily splashing about in a pond, realise it’s teeming with leeches. With dawning horror I realise this is… a vegan kebab shop.

We decide we don’t want any of this woke nonsense, thank you very much, and make a sharp exit.

That is, of course, a joke but the thing is when you’ve had your heart set on a famous German doner kebab ahead of what is sure to be a long night, plant-based ‘meat’ just ain’t gonna cut it. We find another establishment which serves excellent kebabs, though when one of the staff walks past on his way to the kitchen with a full lamb carcass hoisted over one shoulder we begin to reconsider the vegan option.

As has been the case in all previous cities, the atmosphere is good leading up to kick-off, with Hungarians and Scots happily mingling – though some of the Magyar media seem a little baffled.

The website Sportal describes the city as “a fiesta of men in skirts and ladies in trousers” before adding, in rather un-PC fashion, “we wonder who wears the trousers at home”. They assure, however, that “if fate should decide that our own team does not qualify we will part by shaking hands”.

Finally, there’s a damningly accurate description of a Killie fan who was seen sporting a Hungarian hat. Ross is described as “a perpetual prisoner of Kilmarnock FC”. As a Rugby Park season ticket holder, I can confirm it’s an apt description.