Sorry, there is no need for your dog to be in a restaurant

I know that your dog is a lovely creature.

A sweet thing that would never think of barking around your ankles for the entire duration of a meal, insist on being fed chunk after chunk straight from your plate or start a scrap with another pooch minding its own business in the corner.

As such I really do hate to tell you this, but none of the above matters.

There is still no need for your dog to be in a restaurant.

Now before I go any further, I should note that I’d class myself firmly as a ‘dog person’, and childhood pets like our beloved Golden Retriever, Cookie, have over the years taught me how quickly a canine companion can become part of the family.

But recently, I’ve reached an age where the couples in our social circle are not quite ready to have kids, instead welcoming their own four-legged friends into the household as a sign of true adulthood.

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And it’s made me acutely aware of how an unwavering love for your ‘fur baby’ can cloud your judgment.

A column from writer at large Neil Mackay in The Herald last month did a great job of pinning down exactly the issue with dogs in public spaces, and the answer is really quite simple.

It’s often not them. It’s their owners.

And this is all the more apparent when it comes to eating out.

The aforementioned ‘dog person’ part of me tells me to be fair here, so pubs get a free pass as generally there’s less chance of a stray strand of fur or a glob of labrador saliva ending up in your drink.

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But as soon as there’s as much as a tapas plate on the table, it’s surely time for all animals to be relegated to the outdoor seating area.

(No, I don’t care if it’s raining.)

Otherwise, they’re not sure why they’ve found themselves tethered to the shoogly chair leg as cutlery clatters overhead, and I’m not sure how sanitary it is to go from a quick pat on the head to the bread bowl in one swift motion.

Worse still is the worrying trend emerging for cafes with menus that cater specifically to dogs with pet-friendly versions of cupcakes, roast dinners and even ‘wine’.

Restaurants now even offer special doggy meals (Image: Derek McArthur)
In fact, you can blame a press release advertising ‘treataway’ deliveries of sushi, meat feast pizza and Lamb Rogan Josh doggy meals for being the final straw and prompting this week’s rant.

Of course, this is just one food and drink writer's humble opinion, and one I hope won’t rub too many readers up the wrong way.

After all, who’s to say that I won’t change my tune should my work schedule ever allow me to adopt my own pup.

But until then allow me to be a fun sponge for just a little longer and say no, your dog probably doesn’t need their own version of steamed dumplings with a side of bone broth.

And truth be told I’d rather they weren’t around when I try to eat mine either.