Watch the birdy

A BITTERLY cold January is when most Scots start dreaming of vacationing in exotic climes.

Lucky reader Lisa Norton doesn’t have to dream, because she gets in touch from Rome, which is slightly warmer than chilly Alba, while the local architecture is perhaps a tad prettier than Glasgow city centre. (Though it should be noted that Sauchiehall Street currently looks surprisingly similar to Rome’s Colosseum, for both are now crumblier than a dusty pack of digestive biscuits discovered lurking in the dark recesses of the bread-bin.)

Anyway, Lisa is enjoying her trip, for the most part.

Though the tour guide who took her and a large group of Scots round the more salubrious neighbourhoods of Rome turned out to be a chap who adores the local avian population. He insisted on stopping at numerous points on the journey for the sole reason of admiring pigeons at play.

He once took the group to an unremarkable gutter, in order that they could watch a few birds larking about near a drain.

After five minutes of this, one chap in the group said: “Er, can we go somewhere else now?”

“Wait!” commanded the tour guide, who then gestured grandly at the rather grubby pigeons, before adding: “The show isn’t over yet.”

 

Doubly dull

THE serious-minded Diary takes scant notice of showbiz shenanigans, though we’re reliably informed that there is someone called Holly Willoughby who used to be on the telly, then wasn’t, and now is again.

Apparently she’s very good at smiling and can read an autocue with dazzling aplomb, which makes her a valuable commodity in the TV world.

She was on some programme at the weekend, along with an equally talented presenter named Stephen Mulhern.

Reader Harry Steele was watching the show, and said to his wife: “They remind me of that Bob Dylan album.”

“Which one?” she inquired.

“Blonde ‘n' Bland,” said Harry.

 

Rules of attraction

THOUGHT for the day from reader Liz Prior, who says: “Finding a needle in a haystack isn’t so hard… if you have a magnet.”

 

Xcellent monarch

OBSERVANT reader John Mulholland says: “I note that Queen Margrethe II of Denmark abdicated, and was succeeded by her son King Frederik X (formerly known as Twitter).”

 

The history man

MORE nominative determinism. Reader Lenny Smith recently discovered there’s a British journalist called Michela Wrong.

“I wonder how accurate her copy is,” muses Lenny.

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Cold comfort

“I DON’T mind the chilly weather,” says reader Patricia Aitken, “but only to a certain degree.”