Spellcheck stumped
PERFORMING at this year’s Glasgow International Comedy Festival, Kiwi funnyman Sully O’Sullivan has promised he’ll clear up a few mysteries about his home nation, in the appropriately titled routine: A Complete Idiot’s Guide to New Zealand.
The show is at Blackfriars on March 24, and Sully has emailed the Diary one of the questions he’ll be answering: “Is Taumatawhakatangihangakoauauotamateapokaiwhenuakitanatahu honestly the longest place-name in the world? Or did my cat just walk across my keyboard?”
Our well-travelled readers will know that Taumatawhakatangihangakoauauotamateapokaiwhenuakitanatahu is a New Zealand hill. Though, quite frankly, with a name like that, it really should be a mountain, not just a measly mound of grass.
Now the Diary has one further question for Sully: “Would a person end up with less breath after climbing Taumatawhakatangihangakoauauotamateapokaiwhenuakitanatahu, or from attempting to pronounce it?”
Brought to book
WE mentioned a curious scene in a Glasgow bookstore, which reminds reader Julia Owens of her colourful career working in Waterstones.
A customer once walked up to the till with a copy of Tolstoy’s War and Peace, and said: “I’m a pacifist. So maybe I’ll just read the second half.”
Flawed thinking
ON a Shawlands bus the other day, reader Dave Pemberton overheard a young woman confide to a chum sitting next to her: “I don’t like learning from my mistakes. I prefer learning from other people’s mistakes.”
Mind your language
AN American lady has messaged a Facebook page dedicated to all things Scottish.
She’s visiting Alba this summer, and so is requesting examples of the native language she can use, in order to cunningly blend in with the locals.
One helpful Scot has replied: “Try ‘Next round’s on me’ when you enter a pub. The rest will be easy.”
Bridge too far
A TRAGIC tale. Reader Doug Hill tells us: “I’m a passionate bridge player, and I recently broke my arm. A situation I’m finding hard to deal with.”
Risky business
A DIARY discussion about a legendary 1970s motorcycle stuntman inspires reader Norman Hughes to boast: “I often eat a Sainsbury’s microwave ravioli when it’s an entire day past the ‘use by’ date.
That’s why I like to describe myself as the Evel Knievel of fine dining.”
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Browned off
DISAPPOINTED reader Brian Robison tells us: “I recently took part in the sun-tanning Olympics, but I only got bronze.”
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