Bad news
LIFE is always more fun when you have a cherished leisure activity, notes reader Roger Sanderson, who reveals that he has a very unusual hobby that he can only enjoy at this time of year.
“My favourite seasonal game,” he tells us, “is attempting to figure out which TV broadcasters have no pals, or are going through an ugly divorce.
“It’s pretty easy to do. Just switch on the telly on Hogmanay and see who’s got the job of reading the news that evening. No celebratory fizz for those lost souls – just fizzle.”
Bellybutton bloke
IN a café in Glasgow’s Merchant City, reader Craig Sinclair overheard two young and rather pretentious chaps who were in the midst of an animated conversation.
One of the overly loquacious fellows was explaining why he had to dump his girlfriend.
“We just didn’t share the same interests,” he sighed, before adding: “You see, I’m really fascinated by all my internal psychological processes.”
Says Craig: “I took this to mean that the bloke’s a self-obsessed navel gazer. In other words, his ex-girlfriend is well shot of him.”
Animal magic
ON Christmas Day, reader Gillian Leckie was chatting to her 12-year-old niece about Santa Claus and his many comrades, which led the young girl to ask: “Is a reindeer a real animal, or is it like a unicorn?”
Present imperfect
A HERALD article about children needing to exhibit tact when receiving gifts reminds Debbie Meehan of the Christmas when she lectured her three sons about this very issue.
She explained that even if they weren’t impressed with a gift they had to remember that someone had taken time to choose it, and had then spent hard-earned cash buying it. So gratitude was paramount etc…
Then it was Debbie’s turn to open her gift from her husband.
“You’ll love this,” he beamed.
The large box certainly looked promising, though when Debbie tore off the wrapping she discovered… a paper shredder.
“Ignore what I said, boys,” harrumphed Debbie. “Some gifts are just not right.”
Arms and the bam
THE other day a chum of reader Barry Smith was complaining about a work colleague who isn’t the most intelligent of chaps.
At one point Barry’s exasperated pal said: “He’s such a clueless eejit he’d probably try and rob Tesco with a pricing gun.”
Cold calling
A SHOPPING enquiry from reader Dan McKellan, who gets in touch to ask: “Does anybody know where I can get fresh ice cubes? I don’t want any of those frozen ones.”
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