The anatomy lesson
HUZZAH! The festive holiday break is almost upon us.
Though the Diary continues to drag our readers back through the school gates and into the classroom…
Gwen Harvey, who teaches English in Glasgow’s south side, admits she was rather taken aback when one of her wise scholars thrust an inquisitive hand in the air, then said: “Miss, is it the French who eat snails’ legs?”
Appalling apparel
A DIARY mention of clothing that ultimately disappoints the customer reminds reader James Scott of a comment made by his dad regarding Bata shoes, which he said surely must be an acronym for Buy And Throw Away.
Flash (in the pan) dance
THE Diary recently discovered that one of the quirkiest Christmas presents available this year is a musical toilet mat with working keyboard. Now we’re wondering which songs could be played on it.
Willie Ferguson says: “All those people tootling tunes while sitting on the toilet will surely be getting very proficient at the feet stomping. Perhaps they could form a wee dance troupe. Pan’s People comes to mind.”
Digging the shindig
“OFFICE Christmas parties are the best,” enthuses convivial reader Alan Halll. “They’re a fantastic opportunity to catch up with people you haven’t seen for 20 minutes.”
Food for thought
A SCIENTIFICALLY-MINDED Diary reader recently shared the discombobulating news that Italian boffins now believe that lentils have the ability to communicate with each other.
But what are they discussing amongst themselves, the Diary is curious to know?
Do they have a passion for politics? Or perhaps they prefer to converse about sport and the arts?
Says reader Peter Robinson: “I bet they’re gossiping about how cruel vegans are, and saying to each other, ‘What’s wrong with those shmucks? Why can’t they just munch a cow and leave us the heck alone?”
Cruddy Crimbo
WE’VE been complaining that Glasgow’s Christmas market is an uninspiring affair, though it seems that there are worse offenders.
In Livingston three wooden stalls have magically appeared, selling stuff that is vaguely Christmassy. This festive flop isn’t proving particularly popular with locals.
On social media one resident of the town grumps: “No one here claims that we have a Xmas market. It’s a couple of overpriced stalls next to the bus station.”
Says another bemused local: “Did someone steal the rest of it?”
Get the legendary Herald Diary straight to your inbox.
Fuelish idea
ECONOMIC news. “I see that the Government is taking 1p off of petrol,” says reader Jenny Hannah. “But who’s going to buy a litre of etrol?”
Why are you making commenting on The Herald only available to subscribers?
It should have been a safe space for informed debate, somewhere for readers to discuss issues around the biggest stories of the day, but all too often the below the line comments on most websites have become bogged down by off-topic discussions and abuse.
heraldscotland.com is tackling this problem by allowing only subscribers to comment.
We are doing this to improve the experience for our loyal readers and we believe it will reduce the ability of trolls and troublemakers, who occasionally find their way onto our site, to abuse our journalists and readers. We also hope it will help the comments section fulfil its promise as a part of Scotland's conversation with itself.
We are lucky at The Herald. We are read by an informed, educated readership who can add their knowledge and insights to our stories.
That is invaluable.
We are making the subscriber-only change to support our valued readers, who tell us they don't want the site cluttered up with irrelevant comments, untruths and abuse.
In the past, the journalist’s job was to collect and distribute information to the audience. Technology means that readers can shape a discussion. We look forward to hearing from you on heraldscotland.com
Comments & Moderation
Readers’ comments: You are personally liable for the content of any comments you upload to this website, so please act responsibly. We do not pre-moderate or monitor readers’ comments appearing on our websites, but we do post-moderate in response to complaints we receive or otherwise when a potential problem comes to our attention. You can make a complaint by using the ‘report this post’ link . We may then apply our discretion under the user terms to amend or delete comments.
Post moderation is undertaken full-time 9am-6pm on weekdays, and on a part-time basis outwith those hours.
Read the rules here