Readers seldom learn what happens after victims of childhood violence or abuse lift their anonymity. What the world witnesses is the single moment of courage when one human being finds the resolve to step forward and speak the unspeakable. The public doesn’t discover what happens afterwards: how that human copes with the consequences of speaking out.
A fortnight ago, Angus Bell gave me permission to publish in The Herald the full details of the abuse he endured over years in one of Scotland’s most prestigious boarding schools, Loretto. My abiding thought as I spent days talking to Angus was this: if I found simply listening to his suffering almost unbearable, how on earth must Angus feel having lived through it?
As a reporter who has spent more than three decades writing about violent crime, extremism, terrorism, and conflict, I’ve rarely met anyone with the tenacity of spirit which Angus has displayed. I admire him.
Read Angus’s story in full here - warning, disturbing content
Without recounting once again the full terrible details of what Angus went through in the 1990s, let me just give you one or two quotes from the recent investigation so you understand his childhood at Loretto.
Angus described the school as a “factory for sadists and sociopaths”. Most of the abuse was "pupil-on-pupil", where older pupils subjected younger children to appalling acts of violence and humiliation, often sexual. This was linked to the so-called "fagging system’" where younger pupils were effective servants - or "fags" - for older pupils.
“I was a child trapped in a madhouse of violence, and sexual and emotional abuse,” Angus said when he lifted his anonymity. “For eight years, I was driven to the brink of suicide.”
Angus is now suing the school for £1 million. Loretto has said that “in light of the ongoing legal position … it is not appropriate for the school to provide any comment at this stage”.
Angus’s decision to lift his anonymity followed extensive investigations by me in The Herald into what’s been described as "Lord of the Flies-style" abuse at boarding schools, not just Loretto. So many victims have come forward across so many institutions it’s now seen as a MeToo moment for boarding schools.
When Angus went public in mid-November, the support and affection shown by Herald readers and the wider Scottish public was deeply moving. He and I both realised Herald readers deserved to know how he’s doing, and if he’s okay after taking that daunting step.
I can assure you, he’s doing well. Last night, he told me he was in “fight mode” for the first time in years. Most of his life, he explains, has been “flight mode”.
Angus often discusses the biology of fear. He spent so much of his childhood flooded with adrenaline that he knows the workings of the human body and its coping mechanisms when it comes to terror and pain far too well.
He asked me to tell you this: “What The Herald did two weeks ago was hold up a giant mirror in front of those who attended boarding schools. For people outside that world, it shocked them. For anyone in it, nothing came as a shock.”
To Angus, the most important aspect of the article was that it spoke “for other victims, who for decades thought they were the only one, whose lives until now have been severely damaged, suffering breakdowns, addictions, relationship troubles, blighted careers, suicide attempts - finally they have some acknowledgment, that it happened, that is should never have, and that it wasn’t their fault”.
Angus added that “for the many people who gleefully participated in this abuse now they face an uncomfortable reckoning”.
Loretto teacher blows whistle on bullying and abuse
He says that responses from other victims from boarding schools across Britain “have flooded in” to him. “It’s been both heart-wrenching and uplifting to hear.
“From the general public, there has been an outpouring of sympathy. From other victims, enormous empathy and a torrent of accounts of near-identical abuse - sexual, physical and emotional - who for the first time felt believed and not alone”.
However, Angus says there remains a hardcore of ex-pupils who “dismiss the torture of children as ‘pranks’ and ‘fun and games’. What they call ‘normal’, the rest of the world calls ‘child abuse’. You don’t know you’re in a cult until you’re out of the cult.
“This is not just my story. There are tens of thousands of other victims across the UK. Many victims gather in survivor groups online, many more have been sitting alone in their suffering. Now the press and public are aware, the next stage is the police and courts, and they are coming. The plaster has been well and truly ripped off.”
He added: “For the majority of our lives, many of us have carried these enormous weights, these horrific traumas that play out in our minds daily decades later, and now we are taking them and dumping them on the schools. It’s their problem now.”
Two matters troubled me during my investigations into this abuse, beyond, obviously, the emotional reaction any human experiences when confronted with the suffering of others, especially children.
Firstly, this: too many still think that because these children came from wealthy families their "privilege" somehow balances out their pain. As Angus said: “I suffer from complex post-traumatic stress disorder - that’s the only privilege of a boarding school education.”
Boarding school survivors in MeToo moment
The other matter which troubles me is the wider implications of this for society. I’ve spoken to many psychologists about what’s called "Boarding School Syndrome". In effect, the brutality of boarding school can lead to a minority becoming very damaged and dangerous adults, shorn of empathy and numb to the suffering of others.
Clearly, the vast majority, like Angus, become decent, loving people who in fact have the ability to empathise even more with other human beings than most folk, who have never experienced violence and abuse, due to the terrible suffering they’ve endured.
Psychologists have told me that they see the traits of Boarding School Syndrome in some British politicians. What might they have seen and done at school? Indeed, what are the consequences for society - for you and me - when it comes to politicians scarred in this way who make life-and-death decisions as leaders of our country?
Why are you making commenting on The Herald only available to subscribers?
It should have been a safe space for informed debate, somewhere for readers to discuss issues around the biggest stories of the day, but all too often the below the line comments on most websites have become bogged down by off-topic discussions and abuse.
heraldscotland.com is tackling this problem by allowing only subscribers to comment.
We are doing this to improve the experience for our loyal readers and we believe it will reduce the ability of trolls and troublemakers, who occasionally find their way onto our site, to abuse our journalists and readers. We also hope it will help the comments section fulfil its promise as a part of Scotland's conversation with itself.
We are lucky at The Herald. We are read by an informed, educated readership who can add their knowledge and insights to our stories.
That is invaluable.
We are making the subscriber-only change to support our valued readers, who tell us they don't want the site cluttered up with irrelevant comments, untruths and abuse.
In the past, the journalist’s job was to collect and distribute information to the audience. Technology means that readers can shape a discussion. We look forward to hearing from you on heraldscotland.com
Comments & Moderation
Readers’ comments: You are personally liable for the content of any comments you upload to this website, so please act responsibly. We do not pre-moderate or monitor readers’ comments appearing on our websites, but we do post-moderate in response to complaints we receive or otherwise when a potential problem comes to our attention. You can make a complaint by using the ‘report this post’ link . We may then apply our discretion under the user terms to amend or delete comments.
Post moderation is undertaken full-time 9am-6pm on weekdays, and on a part-time basis outwith those hours.
Read the rules hereLast Updated:
Report this comment Cancel