Toasting great food

THE lucky epicureans of the world have a veritable smorgasbord of delicious and exotic cuisines to sample, including spicy Indian curry, which is like a miniature firework display exploding on the tongue.

Meanwhile, the ingenious Italians have discovered a thousand and one interesting things to do with the humble tomato.

And Japanese sushi involves preparing fish in such elegantly designed parcels that even the fish would be proud of how spiffy it looked, if it didn’t happen to be dead.

Reader Sue Laing tells us that her son is an aspiring bon vivant, and the wise teenager recently made a bold claim that British cuisine is the best in the world.

“Really?” replied a rather surprised Sue. “How so?”

“Let’s admit it,” said Sue’s son. “There’s nothing out there that’s better than beans on toast.”

Mindful… or moany?

WE recently mentioned existential philosophy.

Reader Brian Roberts used to teach an evening college course in Contemporary Ideas, and during one discussion he explained to his class of mature students that existentialism involved facing up to the pointlessness of life.

“So that’s wit you call existentialism, is it?” snorted one contemptuous student, who added: “If you ask me, that’s just bein’ a grumpy bam.”

Communication breakdown

A PERFECT definition of that special time of life, from reader Scott Purser, who says: “Middle age is when you’re sitting at home on a Saturday night, and the telephone rings, and you hope it isn’t for you.”

Questionable questions

AT the weekend reader Sandra Royle cut her hand with a kitchen knife, and phoned the NHS Helpline to check if she needed to visit an accident and emergency department.

Luckily the injury wasn’t too serious.

However, Sandra was surprised by the Helpline’s initial series of questions, before she got to speak to a nurse.

Question: What age are you?

Sandra’s answer: Eighty-four.

Follow-up question: And are you currently serving in the army?

Animal antics

THE twin granddaughters of reader Robert Gardner were curious about his pet dog, and asked if he had previously owned pooches?
“I started reeling off the names of the ones I had owned, over many years, which came to a grand total of eight,” says Robert.
“At the end of the long list my granddaughters gave me a row,” he adds. “They told me I shouldn’t  keep swapping dogs.”

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Dead funny

QUIRKY question of the day from reader John Fraser, who asks: “What do you call a dying airport computer? A terminal terminal terminal.”