By George, it’s an Orwellian problem

BROWSING in Waterstones, Deedee Cuddihy spotted two teenagers examining the books on the Modern Classics table.

Said one youth to the other: "Animal Farm. What's that about?"

After studying the blurb on the back cover, the other replied: "Um… a farm. "

The name game

THE summer holidays have arrived and kids are running rampage, whenever they can be bothered to drag their listless carcasses out of bed to do all the running and the rampaging.

At least the traumatised teachers now have a period of convalescence to allow the scars – both emotional and physical – to heal.

Malcolm Boyd from Milngavie was chatting to a chum who used to be a primary teacher, and recalled enrolling a Primary 1 class.

One of the youngster’s mothers, who was in attendance, said her son was called Gooy.

Asked if this was a family name, the mother replied, no, explaining that the child was named after the hero of a book she read while pregnant.

“How do you spell the name?” asked the intrigued teacher.

“G-u-y,” replied the Mum.

Feeling the heat?

NEWS of Scotia’s technological dynamism have become known far and wide, reports reader Debbie Meehan.

Debbie tells us she was chatting with her four-year-old granddaughter in Ohio, who was playing some sort of game at the time, involving splashing in water.

“I remarked that I was glad the water was warm,” says Debbie, “then I added that we’d play the same game when she visited me in September.”

To which the surprised child replied: “But do you have warm water in Scotland?”

Porridge and donuts

THE Herald recently reported delays and spiralling costs in the construction of the prison that will eventually replace Barlinnie.

Diary correspondent David Donaldson believes it’s now time for some serious lateral thinking, and says: “With a prison population of 1,600, it might be cheaper to rehouse the inmates in the two hulks being built by Ferguson Marine, and moor them at Braehead. That would have the added advantage for the staff of easy access to Krispy Kreme Donuts and McDonald’s.”

Book’s a blast

OUR rascally readers are tinkering with famous works of fiction by adding a completely unnecessary word to the books’ titles.

A reader from Denny says: “After one has finished one's light lunch of beans on toast, one could sit down and enjoy Breaking Wind in the Willows.”

Communication overload

“THE patron saint of sending too many emails,” says reader Bruce Johnson, “is Saint Francis of a CC.”