By George, it’s an Orwellian problem
BROWSING in Waterstones, Deedee Cuddihy spotted two teenagers examining the books on the Modern Classics table.
Said one youth to the other: "Animal Farm. What's that about?"
After studying the blurb on the back cover, the other replied: "Um… a farm. "
The name game
THE summer holidays have arrived and kids are running rampage, whenever they can be bothered to drag their listless carcasses out of bed to do all the running and the rampaging.
At least the traumatised teachers now have a period of convalescence to allow the scars – both emotional and physical – to heal.
Malcolm Boyd from Milngavie was chatting to a chum who used to be a primary teacher, and recalled enrolling a Primary 1 class.
One of the youngster’s mothers, who was in attendance, said her son was called Gooy.
Asked if this was a family name, the mother replied, no, explaining that the child was named after the hero of a book she read while pregnant.
“How do you spell the name?” asked the intrigued teacher.
“G-u-y,” replied the Mum.
Feeling the heat?
NEWS of Scotia’s technological dynamism have become known far and wide, reports reader Debbie Meehan.
Debbie tells us she was chatting with her four-year-old granddaughter in Ohio, who was playing some sort of game at the time, involving splashing in water.
“I remarked that I was glad the water was warm,” says Debbie, “then I added that we’d play the same game when she visited me in September.”
To which the surprised child replied: “But do you have warm water in Scotland?”
Porridge and donuts
THE Herald recently reported delays and spiralling costs in the construction of the prison that will eventually replace Barlinnie.
Diary correspondent David Donaldson believes it’s now time for some serious lateral thinking, and says: “With a prison population of 1,600, it might be cheaper to rehouse the inmates in the two hulks being built by Ferguson Marine, and moor them at Braehead. That would have the added advantage for the staff of easy access to Krispy Kreme Donuts and McDonald’s.”
Book’s a blast
OUR rascally readers are tinkering with famous works of fiction by adding a completely unnecessary word to the books’ titles.
A reader from Denny says: “After one has finished one's light lunch of beans on toast, one could sit down and enjoy Breaking Wind in the Willows.”
Communication overload
“THE patron saint of sending too many emails,” says reader Bruce Johnson, “is Saint Francis of a CC.”
Why are you making commenting on The Herald only available to subscribers?
It should have been a safe space for informed debate, somewhere for readers to discuss issues around the biggest stories of the day, but all too often the below the line comments on most websites have become bogged down by off-topic discussions and abuse.
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We are doing this to improve the experience for our loyal readers and we believe it will reduce the ability of trolls and troublemakers, who occasionally find their way onto our site, to abuse our journalists and readers. We also hope it will help the comments section fulfil its promise as a part of Scotland's conversation with itself.
We are lucky at The Herald. We are read by an informed, educated readership who can add their knowledge and insights to our stories.
That is invaluable.
We are making the subscriber-only change to support our valued readers, who tell us they don't want the site cluttered up with irrelevant comments, untruths and abuse.
In the past, the journalist’s job was to collect and distribute information to the audience. Technology means that readers can shape a discussion. We look forward to hearing from you on heraldscotland.com
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