Carry on Screaming
GRAFFITI artist Banksy is exhibiting his handiwork at Glasgow’s GOMA, and revealed his favourite British work of art is the city’s statue of Wellington with a traffic cone on its bonce. This has inspired our creative readers to imagine how other works of art could be improved with a wee touch of gritty Glesga magic.
Gordon Fisher from Stewarton suggests adapting Edvard Munch's famous painting The Scream.
He points out that in the artist’s native Norway it’s known as Skrik (Shriek) and in Germany it’s called Der Schrei Der Natur (The Scream of Nature).
Though in Glasgow, says Gordon, the iconic, agonised face with hands clapped to cheeks should be referred to as: “Jings, Crivvens, Help Ma Boab - I’ve Goan An Left the Iron Oan!"
Art attack
ON the subject of Mr Banksy Esq. Reader Henry Baird was in the GOMA queue and overheard the chap in front say to his wife: “Look at the length of this queue! He’s pretty well liked, this Banksy guy, eh? So how come nobody liked me when I wrote ‘Baz Was Here’ on the school toilet door, back in ’84? No gallery for me. Just detention.”
Brush with bliss
OVERHEARD in a Shawlands pub by reader Michael Oakley. An elderly lady was telling her chum about the foreign holiday she recently enjoyed.
What delighted her most wasn’t the hotel pool or the nearby beach of golden sands.
“Aw, the hotel toilets wis pure beautiful,” she sighed, before adding, “it wis like heaven, only wi a pink, sparkly bog brush.”
Fruity future
OUR rascally readers are tinkering with famous works of fiction by adding a completely unnecessary word to the books’ titles.
Russell Smith from Largs would like to peruse a futuristic novel set in a suspiciously sunny Scotland, which focuses on the effects of climate change.
It would be titled… The Grapes of Cape Wrath.
Telly visionary idea
THE Diary is triumphantly eclectic in its arts coverage. So far today we’ve shone a spotlight on paintings, books… and now TV. “I like those programmes on the telly where Dom Littlewood exposes scams,” says John Cochrane. “The new series should be titled… It's a Con Dom.”
Space case
THE wife of reader Alasdair Dennis wondered aloud how NASA can be sure there's no oxygen on the Moon.
Alasdair was disappointed that she could be so naïve.
"Of course there's no oxygen on the Moon," he snapped back. "If there was, the cheese would've gone mouldy ages ago."
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