THE following oh-so-typical vignette of life in Glasgow's west end is presented by reader David Donaldson.
Scene: A leafy, affluent street in Hyndland.
A woman with a rucksack and a Waitrose carrier bag is standing talking to one of her neighbours.
"Well,” she finally says. “I can't stand here chatting much longer. My frozen mango sorbet is digging into the small of my back."
Haar haar
A NEIGHBOUR of Denis Bruce, from Bishopbriggs, visited Dunure Castle, near Ayr. With a group of fellow tourists she ascended to the battlementsto revel in the spectacular view.
But no sooner had the party reached the lofty heights when a haar descended, blotting out the possibility of seeing anything.
Quipped one of the visitors: "So… mist it."
Talking Double Dutch
VISITING the local community hall, Jim Morrison witnessed a curious conversation.
One member was explaining to another that he and his wife had just returned from a visit to the Bulb Fields in The Netherlands.
"Any good?" he was asked.
"Aye," replied the chap returned from foreign climes, who then added bizarrely, "but we were encouraged to buy jars of hamster jam. Apparently if you plant the contents it will grow lovely tulips."
"Whit?” sputtered the bemused chap asking the questions, “tulips fae hamster jam?"
The travelling fellow merely responded with a cheeky grin…
Fishy behaviour
A TALE of our times. Reader John Harrison and his pal Ian went on a fishing trip. Driving through Shotts, North Lanarkshire, they encountered three sets of roadwork traffic lights. At the third set, there were lights, cones and tapes, but no sign of any workmen, or even a hole in the ground.
Shaking his head at this irritating spectacle, John said: “Shocking.”
Ian arrived at a more positive interpretation of the situation. "They must be working from home," he concluded.
Life of Brian
FORMER Manchester United player Eric Cantona is swapping footie fabness for mouthy magic, and will be touring as a singer, while also releasing a self-penned single.
Which has inspired the folk behind the Brian McClair Podcast to suggest their man should put on a "McClair Sings Brian" gig, where the former Scotland and Celtic star covers songs previously recorded by other Brians.
Numbers warbled on this eclectic night would inevitably include Summer Of ’69, Back In Black and God Only Knows.
Hard to swallow
OUR ravenous readers are discussing cannibalism, which reminds Gerry MacKenzie of a tragic tale.
Says Gerry: “I once heard of a poor young cannibal boy who was ate before he was seven.”
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