Westminster triggered as Flynn flays PM for ‘stoking culture war’

Wallace: “Aye, what’s it a’ aboot?”

Bruce (consults copy of Herald): “It’s aboot the right o’ 16-year-olds to change gender withoot a doctor’s note, ken?”

Wallace: “Eh?”

Bruce: “Says here it’s aboot gender dysphoria.”

Wallace: “Diss what now?”

Bruce: “Phoria.”

Wallace: “Is that like” – clears throat and shouts lustily – “Freedom!”

Bruce: “Naw. No’ really.”

Wallace: “Ach, let’s go hame.”

Bruce: “Er, aye.”

Both: “England for ever!”

There’s more truth to this than meets the eyeball, with the Scottish Government’s Gender Recognition Reform (GRR) Bill leading many militant, grassroots nationalists to root for the Westminster Government.

Westminster Sketch: Skinhead wideboy steams in while Sunak and Starmer play pat-a-cake

Whatever the rights and wrongs of the issue – and I confess I haven’t kept up; bit beyond my pay grade – it’s certainly an unexpected hill for the SNP to choose to die on. Nevertheless, yesterday at Prime Minister’s Questions, the SNP’s Westminster leader Stephen Flynn shimmied up it to plant the flag of gender freedom.

“To promise is a thing,” he announced grandly and a little oddly. “To keep it is another.” Indeed, in politics, it’s unusual. Not so in Scotia Minor, quoth our Stephen. At Holyrood, in passing the GRR bill, the Scottish Government had kept its manifesto promise.

Accordingly, it was “a dangerous moment for devolution” when Westminster sought to “overturn a promise” – that nobody can recall – “made between Scotland’s politicians and Scotland’s people”, who, er, according to opinion polls, remain substantially opposed to the reforms.

How clear was Rishi Sunak about this issue, readers and students of clichéd political rhetoric? Correct: “crystal”. This was because the bill had “consequences for reserved matters”, and for women and children, said the Prime Minister, forcing Scottish Secretary Alister “Union” Jack to act “with regret”. Picture his tears.

That sorrowful moment came on Tuesday, when Jack booted the bill out by triggering section 35 of the Scotland Act, the part inserted by then Labour Scottish Secretary Donald Dewar to ensure the Scottish Government didn’t do anything mad.

How clear was the Flynnling that this was “the Conservative Party seeking to stoke a culture war against some of the most marginalised people in society”? Correct: “crystal”.

In this somewhat soppy war, Scotland’s democracy was “simply collateral damage”. And what kind of slope did that put us on, readers? Correct: “slippery.” We were slithering doon on our buttocks “from devolution to direct rule”. Direct rule Britannia.

Here’s an odd thing. Having frequently called for disruption at Westminster, the Alba Party got two bites of the cherry yesterday and didn’t mention Scotland once. Neale Hanvey ululated about the UK-wide health strikes, while Kenny MacAskill held forth on UK-wide fuel poverty.

Anyone in England could have raised these issues. You do wonder what the point of them being there is from a militant Scottish independence perspective.

There was certainly enough parochial English militancy – and, rightly so, that’s what PMQs is for – on display as usual yesterday, with questions about the mayor of London, “the North-East” (south-east of here), and Biggleswade health hub.

Robert McNeil: There's a moose loose in the Westminster Hoose

Scotland is rarely near the thoughts of Labour opposition leader Keir Starmer, who had kicked things off earlier with the NHS crisis, more particularly in his beloved England, where he said a heart attack patient in Peterborough would wait two hours and seven minutes for an ambulance, while in Northampton it would be two hours and 17 minutes, and in Plymouth two hours and 37 minutes.

What should Mr Sunak take for this, readers? Correct: “responsibility”.

The PM took instead the scenic route, saying Sir Keir hadn’t mentioned Wales, “where we know ambulance times are even worse than they are in England”. Even worse! Even Rishi was designating England the yardstick for poor health treatment.

Despite this proud boast, what was investment at, readers? Correct: “record levels”. If Labour cared so much, asked Rishi, why didn’t they support the Government’s minimum service (during strikes) legislation? This being a rhetorical question, the PM answered it himself with astute and masterful eloquence: “Union paymasters blah-blah.”

Mr Starmer retorted by calling on Mr Sunak to apologise for the “lethal chaos under his watch”. Wot, on his wrist?

Riposted Rishi: “If we are going to deliver for the British people, people need to have strong convictions.” Strong convictions: now there’s an idea.