As 'giant' Blackford departs, Flynn the skin gets his Doc Martens on

Without knowing anything about him, I’d heard Mr Flynn speak a couple of times before and thought, "Hmm, this boy’s good." (It’s all relative, mind.) So, I was discombobulated to hear he’d a leadership challenger in Alison Thewliss, whom I’d heard but never really noticed.

At first, this seemed just a ploy by an acolyte of Nicola Sturgeon, the First Minister in Edinburgh, to split the party in the traditional manner. However, my sources say the real reason was discomfort among SNP MPs at having a person of baldness in charge.

Not sources. Suspicions, ye ken. All the same, it’s a sad psephological fact that men with dustbowl heads are disliked by voters. That’s why folk thin on top are thin on the ground in Parliament. It’s disgraceful.

Talking of thin, Mr Blackford sat directly behind Mr Flynn, who was facing his first Prime Minister’s Questions less than 24 hours after seeing off Ms Thewliss.

Mr Flynn was having no back-seat drivers. Brutally addressing the elephant in the room, he described Mr B as “a giant of the Scottish independence movement”.

Oh dear. The “giant” allusion brought forth titters, which Ian acknowledged gracefully, as he brushed Steak Bake crumbs off his lapel. Actually, he looked like he’d lost weight. But this was an early lesson for Stephen on the need to choose words carefully.

His first words to Rishi Sunak, a Prime Minister, consisted of a question about the greatest Conservative Government achievement since 2019: “leaving the single market and customs union, ending freedom of movement, denying Scotland her democracy or getting the Labour Party to agree with all of the above?”

Sir Keir Starmer, Stephen Flynn's warm-up man yesterday (Image: PA)

That was an interesting new approach. Often, focusing on UK-wide issues, the SNP have sounded like Labour mark II. That’s awkward, as Labour leader Keir Starmer frequently appears clueless about Caledonia, and not much interested either.

For his part, Mr Sunak offered Ian his “genuine and warm, heartfelt best wishes”. Which would have been fine if he’d left it there, but he had to add: “I know the whole House will miss his weekly contributions.”

Predictably, this was greeted with roars of laughter, which again Ian acknowledged with a friendly smile. As for answering the question, Rishi merely offered some stock bilge about protecting the country in the pandemic.

Retorted Mr F: “Far be it from me to offer advice to a mere billionaire but he’s going to have to up his game.” Up? Game? What could it all mean?

Mr Flynn meant that a new poll out just 15 minutes earlier – the boy is certainly adept at updating his script – showed support for independence at 56%. Did Rishi consider that increasing energy bills “in energy-rich Scotland” would cause such polling figures to rise or fall?

The PM pointed that his Government had supported Scottish households with their bills. “And that is an example of the United Kingdom, and the Union, delivering for people in Scotland.” Yes, Sir. Thankee, Sir.

So how did Stephen do in his first PMQs? Well, first let’s acknowledge: I couldn’t do it. Neither could you, even with a drink in you.

Being young – 34 – and bald gives Mr Flynn a skinhead mien and, while he danced about impressively in his Doc Martens, he didn’t land any kicks in the nads.

But he has pizazz about his person; less lamentation, a bit more “I’m going to have you, mate”. The key is to balance passion and reason. Passion without reason is bubble-blowing. Reason without passion is dull.

Talking of dull (hey, the fortuitous links are reversed this week), the aforementioned Starmer provided the warm-up act for Mr Flynn, trotting out the usual trope about Rishi being “weak” but making pert points about proud Unionist Scot Michelle Mone, the bra millionaire whose alleged PPE shenanigans had gone tits up.

Rishi was “shocked” at the allegations, and said the Conservative whip had been withdrawn from Baroness Mone. The Conservative whip: something cracked way too late.

As for “weak” and, in Sir Keir’s words, being a “blancmange Prime Minister”, Mr Sunak derided such “petty” personal insults. Naw, that’s the stuff we like best. Ian departing: “Did somebody mention blancmange?”

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