Ever seen Dances With Wolves?

Of course you haven’t. On the off chance that you have, I bet you can’t remember anything that happened in it. I’ve looked up the plot on Wikipedia and it looks like there aren’t even any wolves.

Now, ask yourself how many times you’ve seen Goodfellas. Named the greatest film of all time by Total Film magazine, it represents the pinnacle of legendary filmmaker Martin Scorsese’s career. 

And yet, it was beaten to 1991’s Best Picture Academy Award by Dances With Wolves.  

The UK singles chart turns 70 today, and since Al Martino topped the inaugural chart with Here In My Heart on this day in 1952, Britain’s pop countdown has seen numerous Dances With Wolves moments.

To mark this milestone, we’ve compiled 70 classic number twos and weighed up whether or not their failure to hit the top spot was an injustice.

Read more: 30 great Later... with Jools Holland appearances on the show's 30th anniversary

In order to keep this list down to 70, artists are permitted only one selection. That’s why Kelis is in with ‘Milkshake’ but not ‘Trick Me’, while the Beatles have to make do with ‘Please Please Me’ and not ‘Let It Be’. 

Sadly, there are no such restrictions on artists who hit number one, which explains two Britpop classics being kept off the top spot by the musical crimes of a sub-Bublé crooner duo. 

It’s time to take a trip down memory lane and celebrate 70 years of the British public being wrong. In chronological order, here are the 70 greatest number twos.

DEAN MARTIN - THAT’S AMORE 

Number two on: 25.2.54

Kept off by: Eddie Calvert - Oh Mein Papa

Injustice? Yes

 

NAT KING COLE - SMILE 

Number two on: 7.10.54, 21.10.54 and 28.10.54

Kept off by: Don Cornell - Hold My Hand

Injustice? Yes

 

CHUBBY CHECKER - LET’S TWIST AGAIN 

Number two on: 7.2.62 and 14.2.62

Kept off by: Cliff Richard & The Shadows - The Young Ones

Injustice? Yes

 

THE BEATLES - PLEASE PLEASE ME 

Number two on: 27.2.63, 6.3.63 and 20.3.63

Kept off by: Frank Ifield - The Wayward Wind, Cliff Richard & The Shadows - The Next Time

Injustice? Yes and yes

 

THE WHO - MY GENERATION 

Number two on: 1.12.65 and 8.12.65

Kept off by: The Seekers - The Carnival Is Over

Injustice? Yes

 

THE BEACH BOYS - GOD ONLY KNOWS 

Number two on: 31.8.66 and 7.9.66

Kept off by: The Beatles - Yellow Submarine/Eleanor Rigby

Injustice? Yes

 

THE KINKS - WATERLOO SUNSET 

Number two on: 31.5.67 and 7.6.67

Kept off by: Tremeloes - Silence Is Golden

Injustice? Yes
 

NINA SIMONE - AIN’T GOT NO/I GOT LIFE 

Number two on: 24.12.68

Kept off by: Scaffold - Lily The Pink

Injustice? Yes

 

DON MCLEAN - AMERICAN PIE 

Number two on: 4.3.72, 11.3.72 and 18.3.72

Kept off by: Chicory Tip - Son Of My Father, Nilsson - Without You

Injustice? Yes (Chicory Tip) and no (Nilsson)

 

ELTON JOHN - ROCKET MAN 

Number two on: 3.6.72

Kept off by: T.Rex - Metal Guru

Injustice? Yes

 

THE SWEET - BALLROOM BLITZ 

Number two on: 22.9.73, 29.9.73, 6.10.73

Kept off by: Wizzard - Angel Fingers, Simon Park Orchestra - Eye Level

Injustice? Yes and yes

 

SPARKS - THIS TOWN AIN’T BIG ENOUGH FOR BOTH OF US

Number two on: 1.6.74 and 8.6.74

Kept off by: Rubettes - Sugar Baby Love

Injustice? Yes

 

ROXY MUSIC - LOVE IS THE DRUG 

Number two on: 8.11.75

Kept off by: David Bowie - Space Oddity

Injustice? Yes

 

STEVIE WONDER - SIR DUKE 

Number two on: 7.5.77

Kept off by: Deniece Wiliams - Free

Injustice? Yes

 

SQUEEZE - UP THE JUNCTION 

Number two on: 7.7.79

Kept off by: Tubeway Army - Are ‘Friends’ Electric?

Injustice? Yes

 

JANET KAY - SILLY GAMES 

Number two on: 14.7.79 and 21.7.79

Kept off by: Tubeway Army - Are ‘Friends’ Electric?

Injustice? Yes
 

BLONDIE - DREAMING 

Number two on: 6.10.79

Kept off by: The Police - Message In A Bottle

Injustice? Yes

 

PAUL MCCARTNEY - COMING UP 

Number two on: 3.5.80

Kept off by: Dexy’s Midnight Runners - Geno

Injustice? No

 

DIANA ROSS - UPSIDE DOWN 

Number two on: 9.8.80 and 16.8.80

Kept off by: Abba - The Winner Takes It All

Injustice? Yes

 

ULTRAVOX - VIENNA

Number two on: 14.2.81, 21.2.81, 28.2.81 and 7.3.81

Kept off by: John Lennon - Woman, Joe Dolce - Shaddap You Face

Injustice? Yes

 

KIM WILDE - KIDS IN AMERICA 

Number two on: 28.3.81 and 4.4.81

Kept off by: Shakin’ Stevens - This Ole House

Injustice? Yes

 

CHAS & DAVE - AIN’T NO PLEASING YOU 

Number two on: 17.4.82

Kept off by: Bucks Fizz - My Camera Never Lies

Injustice? Yes

 

YAZOO - ONLY YOU 

Number two on: 22.5.82

Kept off by: Nicole - A Little Peace

Injustice? Yes

 

DURAN DURAN - SAVE A PRAYER 

Number two on: 21.8.82

Kept off by: Dexy’s Midnight Runners - Come On Eileen

Injustice? No

 

THE JAM - THE BITTEREST PILL (I EVER HAD TO SWALLOW) 

Number two on: 25.9.82 and 2.10.82

Kept off by: Survivor - Eye Of The Tiger, Musical Youth - Pass The Dutchie

Injustice? Yes and yes

 

EURYTHMICS - SWEET DREAMS (ARE MADE OF THIS) 

Number two on: 19.3.83

Kept off by: Bonnie Tyler - Total Eclipse Of The Heart

Injustice? Yes

 

HEAVEN 17 - TEMPTATION 

Number two on: 21.5.83

Kept off by: Spandau Ballet - True

Injustice? Yes
 

SPANDAU BALLET - GOLD 

Number two on: 20.8.83 and 27.8.83

Kept off by: KC & The Sunshine Band - Give It Up

Injustice: No

 

DAVID BOWIE - MODERN LOVE 

Number two on: 8.10.83

Kept off by: Culture Club - Karma Chameleon

Injustice? Yes

 

PRINCE - 1999 

Number two on: 26.1.85

Kept off by: Foreigner - I Want To Know What Love Is

Injustice? Yes

 

MADONNA - HOLIDAY 

Number two on: 17.8.85

Kept off by: Madonna - Into The Groove

Injustice? Yes

 

THE PET SHOP BOYS & DUSTY SPRINGFIELD - WHAT HAVE I DONE TO DESERVE THIS? 

Number two on: 29.8.87 and 5.9.87

Kept off by: Rick Astley - Never Gonna Give You Up

Injustice? Yes

 

INXS - NEED YOU TONIGHT 

Number two on: 26.11.88

Kept off by: Robin Beck - The First Time

Injustice? Yes

 

TECHNOTRONIC - PUMP UP THE JAM 

Number two on: 7.10.89 and 14.10.89

Kept off by: Black Box - Ride On Time

Injustice? No

 

THE B-52’S - LOVE SHACK 

Number two on: 24.3.90, 31.3.90 and 7.4.90

Kept off by: Beats International - Dub Be Good To Me, Snap - The Power

Injustice? Yes and yes 

 

HADDAWAY - WHAT IS LOVE

Number two on: 3.7.93 and 10.7.93

Kept off by: Gabrielle - Dreams

Injustice? Yes

 

KYLIE MINOGUE - CONFIDE IN ME 

Number two on: 10.9.94

Kept off by: Wet Wet Wet - Love Is All Around 

Injustice? Yes
 

SUPERGRASS - ALRIGHT 

Number two on: 15.7.95 and 22.7.95

Kept off by: Outhere Brothers - Boom Boom Boom

Injustice? Yes
 

UNDERWORLD - BORN SLIPPY 

Number two on: 13.7.96

Kept off by: Fugees - Killing Me Softly

Injustice? Yes

 

BLUR - SONG 2 

Number two on: 19.4.97

Kept off by: R Kelly - I Believe I Can Fly

Injustice? Yes

 

THE CARDIGANS - LOVEFOOL

Number two on: 17.5.97

Kept off by: Olive - You’re Not Alone

Injustice? Yes

 

THE VERVE - BITTER SWEET SYMPHONY 

Number two on: 28.6.97

Kept off by: Puff Daddy & Faith Evans ft. 112 - I’ll Be Missing You

Injustice? Yes

 

NATALIE IMBRUGLIA - TORN 

Number two on: 8.11.97, 15.11.97 and 22.11.97

Kept off by: Aqua - Barbie Girl

Injustice? Yes

 

BRANDY & MONICA - THE BOY IS MINE 

Number two on: 6.6.98

Kept off by: B*witched - C’est La Vie

Injustice? Yes

 

STARDUST - MUSIC SOUNDS BETTER WITH YOU 

Number two on: 22.8.98 and 29.8.98

Kept off by: Boyzone - No Matter What

Injustice? Yes

 

GEORGE MICHAEL - OUTSIDE 

Number two on: 31.10.98 and 7.11.98

Kept off by: Cher - Believe 

Injustice? Yes

Read more: 10 George Michael songs that tell his story on Faith anniversary

 

EMINEM - MY NAME IS 

Number two on: 10.4.99

Kept off by: Mr Oizo - Flat Beat

Injustice? Yes

 

FATBOY SLIM - RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW 

Number two on: 1.5.99

Kept off by: Westlife - Swear It Again

Injustice? Yes

 

BLINK-182 - ALL THE SMALL THINGS 

Number two on: 25.3.00

Kept off by: Geri Halliwell - Bag It Up

Injustice? Yes

 

DAFT PUNK - ONE MORE TIME 

Number two on: 25.11.00

Kept off by: Leann Rimes - Can’t Fight The Moonlight 

Injustice? Yes

 

DESTINY’S CHILD - BOOTYLICIOUS 

Number two on: 4.8.01

Kept off by: Atomic Kitten - Eternal Flame

Injustice? Yes

 

SOPHIE ELLIS-BEXTOR - MURDER ON THE DANCEFLOOR 

Number two on: 15.12.01 and 12.01.02

Kept off by: Daniel Bedingfield - Gotta Get Thru This

Injustice? Yes

 

ELECTRIC SIX - DANGER! HIGH VOLTAGE 

Number two on: 18.01.03

Kept off by: Girls Aloud - Sound Of The Underground

Injustice? Yes

 

JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE - CRY ME A RIVER 

Number two on: 15.2.03 and 1.3.03

Kept off by: t.A.T.u - All The Things She Said

Injustice? Yes

 

THE DARKNESS - I BELIEVE IN A THING CALLED LOVE 

Number two on: 4.10.03

Kept off by: Black Eyed Peas - Where Is The Love

Injustice? Yes

 

GIRLS ALOUD - LOVE MACHINE 

Number two on: 25.9.04 and 2.10.04

Kept off by: Eric Prydz - Call On Me

Injustice? Yes

 

ICE CUBE FT. MACK 10 & MS TOI - YOU CAN DO IT 

Number two on: 11.12.04

Kept off by: Band Aid 20 - Do They Know It’s Christmas?

Injustice? Yes

 

ARCTIC MONKEYS - BRIANSTORM 

Number two on: 28.4.07

Kept off by: Beyonce & Shakira - Beautiful Liar

Injustice? Yes
 

TAYLOR SWIFT - SHAKE IT OFF 

Number two on: 25.10.14

Kept off by: Meghan Trainor - All About That Bass

Injustice? Yes

 

BILLIE EILISH - BAD GUY 

Number two on: 11.4.19

Kept off by: Lewis Capaldi - Someone You Loved 

Injustice? Yes

 

THE UK SINGLES CHART HALL OF FAME SHAME

ELVIS PRESLEY - HEARTBREAK HOTEL 

Number two on: 28.6.56 and 5.7.56

Kept off by: Pat Boone - I’ll Be Home

Heartbreak Hotel is considered one of the foundation blocks upon which rock ‘n’ roll was built, credited by the likes of John Lennon, Robert Plant and Keith Richards with having had a profound impact on their lives. 

I’ll Be Home isn’t.
 

THE CRYSTALS - THEN HE KISSED ME 

Number two on: 16.10.63 and 23.10.63

Kept off by: Brian Poole & The Tremeloes - Do You Love Me

It’s appropriate that Then He Kissed Me is synonymous with Goodfellas, as the Phil Spector classic was also edged out by an inferior offering.

 

THE OSMONDS - CRAZY HORSES

Number two on: 25.11.72, 2.12.72 and 9.12.72

Kept off by: Chuck Berry - My Ding-a-Ling

Few songs have so frequently been prefaced by the words 'look, I'm not into them mate, but trust me'. 

The usually clean-cut boy band indulge in some Led Zeppelin riffery, and it hasn't aged badly at all.

It’s hard to say the same about ‘then mama took me to grammar school, but I stopped off in the vestibule/every time that bell would ring, catch me playing with my ding-a-ling’. 

 

MINNIE RIPERTON - LOVIN’ YOU 

Number two on: 3.5.75 and 10.5.75

Kept off by: Mud - Oh Boy

Had the vocal on Lovin’ You been phoned in, the song would have still been a beauty thanks to its lush sound. Factor in that high note, and it becomes one of the 20th century’s definitive love songs. 

None of that applies to Mud's cover of Oh Boy by The Crickets.

 

SALT-N-PEPA - PUSH IT 

Number two on: 16.7.88, 23.7.88 and 30.7.88

Kept off by: Glenn Medeiros - Nothing’s Gonna Change My Love For You

Attitude, hooks, a killer riff and an innovative bridge between hip-hop and electro, Push It still packs a punch 34 years on.

Nothing’s Gonna Change My Love For You sounds like something an Eastenders or Neighbours star would begin their short-lived ‘80s pop career with.

 

DEEE-LITE - GROOVE IS IN THE HEART 

Number two on: 15.9.90 and 22.9.90

Kept off by: Steve Miller Band - The Joker

One of the all-time great one-hit-wonders, Groove is in the Heart would have topped the charts for weeks in a just world. Can you picture Louis Theroux dancing to the ‘joker, smoker, midnight toker’ song with Adam and Joe?

 

PULP - COMMON PEOPLE 

Number two on: 3.6.95 and 10.6.95

Kept off by: Robson & Jerome - Unchained Melody

Jarvis Cocker’s comment on rich kids slumming it is set to one of the catchiest tunes of the Britpop era, and it remains a beloved anthem.

As performed by the Righteous Brothers, Unchained Melody is three-and-a-half-minutes of exquisite, rich, passionate vocals backed by sumptuous strings, resulting in one of the greatest love songs of all time. As performed by Robson & Jerome, Unchained Melody is three-and-a-half minutes. 

Read more: 10 Pulp songs that tell the story of reunited Britpop greats

 

OASIS - WONDERWALL 

Number two on: 11.11.95

Kept off by: Robson & Jerome - I Believe

Robson & Jerome’s reign of terror took out another high-profile victim later that year. Wonderwall was later covered by Mike Flowers Pops, and his version appropriately peaked at number two. 
 

OUTKAST - MS JACKSON 

Number two on: 3.3.01

Kept off by: Atomic Kitten - Whole Again

Outkast became one of hip-hop's most inventive and influential groups, before transcending the genre entirely. Ms Jackson catapulted them to deserved mainstream success.

None of those things apply to Whole Again.

 

KELIS - MILKSHAKE 

Number two on: 24.1.04, 31.1.04, 7.2.04 and 14.2.04

Kept off by: Michelle McManus - All This Time, LMC v U2 - Take Me To The Clouds Above

Named 2004’s best single by the Observer, Milkshake is among the Neptunes’ finest productions and supplied a million future Instagram posts with their caption in ‘my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard’. 

With the best will in the world, it’s hard to make a case for either of the songs that held it at bay having had the same kind of cultural impact.

THE 70 BEST UK NUMBER TWO SINGLES - SPOTIFY PLAYLIST