IT’S fitting that actor Robbie Coltrane will be remembered for his turn as Hagrid, the hirsute and hulking pal of Harry Potter, for he had a giant-size talent, which included perfect comic timing.

“I was fortunate to meet him while working as a TV extra on the filming of crime drama The Planman,” says Malcolm Boyd, from Milngavie. “The heat from the camera lights was excessive so Robbie was given a hand-held mini-fan to help cope.”

Before filming resumed, Robbie turned to Malcolm and said: "Tom Cruise has three million fans," then, looking at the motorised gadget in his hand, added: "I only have one, but I am very grateful."

Disintegration nation

POLITICS used to be a slow-mo soap opera. Events of state happening at a stately pace.

No longer.

Nowadays you can’t get through breakfast without being notified of a new Chancellor of the Exchequer. At least Liz Truss still appears to be PM (At least she was when you started reading this article, though feel free to check again when you’ve finished).

Astonished at the accelerated disintegration of the governing classes, Glasgow writer Ian Pattison says: “We must be near the start of Act 2, where Johnson retakes the stage doing a knee slide, with his jumper over his heid, like he's Mo Salah having just scored the fastest hat-trick in European Champions League history.”

Decisions, decisions

ARRIVING home from football practice, the teenage son of reader Caroline Timothy was given two options for dinner – pasta or baked potato.

Choosing pasta, he added with pride: “You know those tough decisions you sometimes have to make in life? Guess I’ve just made my first one.”

Village people

BATHGATE-BORN singer Jodi Findlay, who goes by the stage-name Silvi, recently moved to a small, exceedingly rural village. On the way to the bus stop for the first time she passed two teenage girls who stared at her disbelievingly before one said to the other: “Not seen her before.”

“Didn’t think places like this still existed,” marvels Jodi, who is now looking for suggestions how she can cunningly pass herself off as a local.

The blame game

OBSERVANT Foster Evans spotted a tweet from the Trades Union Congress stating: “Boss blaming you for their decision? Join a union.”

We’ve no idea what this is hinting at, though we’re curious to know if Kwasi Kwarteng has read it…

Dead funny?

HALLOWE'EN looms, meaning terrifyingly awful Hallowe'en jokes, such as this howler from Rob Bethany: “What kind of streets do ghosts haunt? Dead ends.”