WHEN you read the phrase “self-care” what’s the first thing that comes to mind? Maybe it’s the luxurious image of someone sinking into a bubble bath after fastidiously ticking off every item on their to-do list, or finally spending a few minutes on their needs after working hard all week or taking care of others.

For many, taking time for themselves is seen as an event, something we’re supposed to earn and look forward to. This unattainable, inaccurate portrayal of self-care never really resonated with me. I tried so hard to fix my mental health with the remedies other people provided: going for a walk, making tea, having a relaxing bubble bath, you get the gist.

I was working towards a point where I could feel as though I deserved to take care of myself and I felt constantly embarrassed and ashamed to admit to people that I felt more like pouring the kettle over myself, walking straight into traffic, or sinking into the bubbles and not resurfacing.

I am not by any means saying that these things aren’t helpful when experiencing poor mental health, but things like tea and baths often only help to alleviate symptoms, and do not address the underlying mental illness, which is an important part of caring for yourself.

Sometimes, self-care looks an awful lot like going to the doctor and getting medication to help or accessing therapy. I did both, it wasn’t easy to admit to myself that I needed help and it was even harder to accept help I didn’t think I was deserving of, but seeing myself as a person worthy of care made a huge improvement to my life.

Re-examining the role that self-care can and should play in our lives can often start with shifting the perspective of how we view ourselves and our goals. The truth is that self-care shouldn’t just be seen as a reward for completing tasks, but an integral part of the process which supports the completion of these tasks.

If you neglect yourself, if you do not pay sufficient attention to your mental and physical health, you are less likely to achieve the goals you set for yourself. It’s much harder to get things done when you’re burnt out, exhausted, and not looking after yourself.

The truth is you never need to earn self-care, regardless of what you’ve managed to get done, you are already worthy of it. Even if you haven’t quite managed to achieve what you set out to do throughout the day, your needs are no less valid, whether they are physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual. You are more than that which you contribute, and often the better care you take of yourself, the more able you feel to get stuff done.

Often self-care is marketed as something to be earned through hard work, a treat that we gain access to by way of effort and endurance. If you’re tired, you must have exhausted yourself through work in order to deserve rest. Self-neglect can have devastating consequences, and is a symptom of many mental illnesses and yet taking a vested interest in looking after ourselves is often perceived as vanity, selfishness, or a waste of time.

Personally, one of the very first indications that I am entering a period of poor mental health is that I don’t take good enough care of my hair, or drink enough water, or eat right. Forming a robust self-care plan can help you to recover, recalibrate and combining it with the right mental health support, can even help to prevent a poor mental health spiral in its tracks.

One of the most important things to remember is that looking after yourself is not selfish, something that a lot of people, especially parents and those who often spend their time looking after others might feel. Caregivers are often reluctant to spend the time they so readily give to others on themselves.

It might seem like a cliche, but you cannot pour from an empty cup, and you will be much better placed to help others if you practise the same level of care and devotion to yourself first. It is also worth bearing in mind that it doesn’t always look like you might imagine, and it’s perfectly okay if the way you relax, unwind, and take care of yourself doesn’t exactly match up with society’s preconceived notions of self-care.

If watching football helps you to de-stress and cope better with the pressures of life, that’s self-care. The same goes for gardening, walking your dog, going for a pint with friends, napping or playing video games. Self-care looks different for every person. Some people take comfort in cooking, others through getting a takeaway, having control over a situation, or delegating responsibility to others. Some recharge surrounded by friends and family, others through the quiet calmness of solitude.

We are all soothed by different things, and each form of self-care is unique and valid. Indeed, contrary to popular belief, self-care isn’t always a case of adding something to your life but can also involve reducing or removing something. If something, or indeed someone, is causing undue strain on you, or having a detrimental effect on your life, you are well within your rights to take the steps necessary to protect your peace and improve your mental health.

This could involve setting boundaries or limiting your exposure to things that do not serve you. Creating a positive internal dialogue and practising self-kindness can develop resilience and help you cope with periods of poor mental health without feeling guilt or shame for not feeling your best. However you choose to take care of yourself, I hope you do so safely in the knowledge that investing time in yourself and your mental health will never be a waste of time.