HERE’S an idea: Ian Blackford as Prime Minister of All Britain. It was the SNP’s Westminster leader himself who raised the intriguing prospect at Prime Minister’s Questions yesterday.

This was in response to the PM herself, Liz Truss, offering more questions than answers to the opposition. Certainly, like all Tories, she finds Scotland questionable, and was lucky to miss Scottish Questions, which preceded PMQs.

Like most respectable citizens, your correspondent also contrives to avoid this pointless waste of energy, but accidentally caught the tail-end with Mhairi Black saying it could surely be no surprise to the Tories that the majority of Scots “detest” them.

Ooh, bit strong. They’re doing their best. Muppets that they are. One of these, David Duguid, Scotland Office Minister, replied by expressing “disappointment” at the SNP member for Paisley for choosing to “double down on the hate-filled language of her party leader”.

I’m sure many people feel more pity than hate for Ms Truss. She has thrown herself into the deep end and, to her apparent surprise, finds herself well out of her depth. Her deadly opponent Keir Starmer smells blood in the water. But Sir Keir exclaims, “Oh, yuck!”, and paddles frantically back to the shallow end. Lacks the killer instinct, d’you see?

I’ve over-egged that to keep a metaphor – about, er, a shark at the public swimming baths – going, but it’s fair to say Sir Keir is more rational than emotional. More Spock than McCoy. It’s the legal background: you can take the politician out of the law but not the law out of the politician. Sometimes you just want to say: oh, forensic off, Keir, will you?

Yesterday morning, the Labour leader had injudiciously switched on the telly where, instead of an anticipated rerun of Rumpole of the Bailey, he’d found Beanpole of the Doily, Business Secretary Jacob Rees-Mogg, “arguing that the turmoil in the markets has nothing to do with her [Lizzie’s] Budget”.

Lizzie replied with: “decisive action”. Oh lordy, anything but that. It had been taken. Taken on energy bills. Taken on tax. Taken “to protect our economy”. At least that drew guffaws.

Decisive action: root of all our problems. If only our leaders dithered more or, as recommended by the Taoists, did nothing.

Liz’s problem was that she’d done everything, and too quickly, in her radical or mental mini-Budget. Despite the little local difficulty it had caused, Thatcher mini-me Liz stands by it – er, most of it – and in particular her energy price guarantee, which she used to answer every question from Keir.

Keir: “tax cuts for those who live off stocks and shares”. Liz: “energy price guarantee”. Keir: “public spending cuts”. Liz: “energy price guarantee” Keir: “not even attempting to answer the questions now”. Liz: “energy price guarantee”.

Low-energy stuff. How we miss the previous PM. It’s Boring Without Boris: good title for a Wodehousian short story. Plot: an exuberant fellow full of bonhomie is replaced as golf club chairman by a loopy lady with a comparatively limited lexicon.

It was only with her very last words to Sir K that Liz changed the subject to “his friends in the unions stopping hard-working people getting to work”. This was more like it: the fundamentals.

Later in proceedings, she expounded: “We understand in the Conservative Party who pays our wages.” Yes, the same spivs whose wages you pay. And who is the backbone of the country? “It is the people who get up every day to go to work.” Yes, for £9.50 an hour. “They are the people who drive our economy.” Yes, and most of them are on strike.

No chance of the aforementioned Ian Blackford going on strike. The “people of Scotland” need him to get up every Wednesday and, accordingly, he rose with an effort to complain about the rise in fixed mortgage rates and of Liz “scapegoating the Governor of the Bank of England”. Ian: he’s such a banker.

In reply, Ms Truss protested she was “making sure that people were able to put food on the table”. Table? Who can afford a table nowadays?

Matt Western (Lab) started intriguingly: “I’m not sure how you measure a good honeymoon.” Steady, we’ll have no filth here. “But after five weeks of a crisis conceived in Downing Street … the country has been left wanting divorce.” Polls, he said, showed 60% of punters desiring a General Election.

Liz: “I think the last thing we need is a General Election.”

Mr Speaker: “That concludes Prime Minister’s Questions.” And, indeed, proceedings ended in the traditional manner: to loud laughter.

Our columns are a platform for writers to express their opinions. They do not necessarily represent the views of The Herald.