The name game

GLASGOW scribble merchant Ross Sayers writes excellent novels. When he isn’t working on his latest magnum opus, it appears that he likes to devise names for drag queens.

Which sounds fun to us. Hopefully one day it will be an Olympic sport.

Showing his aptitude for the discipline, Ross suggests: “A Scottish drag queen who likes to gossip… Ken Whit.”

Brought to book

MORE from the world of literature. Esteemed Edinburgh publishing house Canongate have admitted tumbling from their lofty perch.

How so, concerned bibliophiles will be wondering.

Well, they publish a comical picture book about parenting called ‘Go the F*** to Sleep’. (No asterisks in the actual title.)

The risqué name has led to a huge number of folk arriving at the Canongate website on the hunt for, erm, literary stimulation. Apparently the Google search engine drives traffic in that direction.

Canongate’s message to this thrill-seeking throng is conciliatory: “If you’re one of the hordes of disappointed fetishists being sent our way… apologies.”

Dead or alive

THE miracle of resurrection is being replayed in the spiritual omphalos that is Kilmarnock.

Local chap, Bryce Drummond, tells us that a change of occupier in one of the business premises resulted in the replacement of the "Cremation Parlour" sign with the more optimistic "Recovery Hub".

Biting remark

HALLOWEEN approaches. Reader Vicky Law was in a fancy dress shop when she heard a woman trying on scary costumes say: “I’m actually a reverse vampire. You have to invite me to leave your house.”

Gray on grey

IT can’t have escaped our readers’ notice that it was World Porridge Day earlier this week, which is exactly like Christmas Day, only instead of turkey you celebrate with grey sludge in a bowl.

The folks at the Alasdair Gray Archive, which commemorates the work of Glasgow’s great wordsmith, have been recalling his thoughts on our national dish.

One morning he was cooking breakfast when he commented: “The closest I’ve been to imagining the perilous potential of the Earth’s core has been through creating porridge.’

Weaponised words

ONCE again social media proves itself the ideal platform for sophisticated debate. On Twitter, esteemed news broadcaster Alastair Stewart suggests the SNP accept the result of the last referendum.

In reply, a Twitter commentator respectfully counters with: “Try to grow some hair ya weapon.”

To which the chastened Mr Stewart responds: “Tricky to argue with the skilled political and economic analysis herein...”

Bird-brained badinage

ORNITHOLOGICALLY-MINDED reader Ed Galloway informs us: “To exclude a large bird from a group is to ostrichize.”


Read more from the Diary: Fame at last – foam next week