Broom-broom beddy-byes
TRYING to get a good night’s rest, reader Jenny Sewell was woken by her husband, who was making excitable noises in his sleep.
When Jenny shook him from his slumbers he explained: “I had a dream where I was involved in a car chase. It’s the most thrilling dream I’ve ever had.”
Wiping the sweat from his brow, he added: “D’you think I’ve been upgraded to a pay-per-view subscription?”
Washed away
IT’S with sadness that reader Peter Mackay informs us that the chap who invented the dishwasher died recently. “At the funeral they lowered the coffin into the grave,” adds Peter. “Then they pulled it back up and placed it in properly.”
Economical with truth
WHEN the world’s leading economists grow tired of parroting the words ‘macro’, ‘micro’, ‘demand’ and ‘supply’, they reach for their copy of the Herald, then eagerly flick to this column for inspiration.
Today that inspiration is supplied by Ian Noble from Carstairs Village, who says: “With the ever increasing cost of electricity, I would suggest that Diary readers save money by switching the refrigerator off at night. They’re not using it while they’re asleep, so it makes sense.
“Also, if they have a separate freezer, only fill half of it, thus using only half the power.”
Shelf-ish behaviour
THERE have been many saintly figures in history, including Mahatma Gandhi, Mother Teresa and Roger Moore when he had that hit TV show in the 1960s.
But none are as blissfully beatific as Diary reader Bob Jamieson, who performed a good deed at the check-out of his local Aldi.
“I was behind an old lady in the queue,” he reveals. “Her bill came to £51.60, but when she counted out her change, she had just under £50. She didn't want me to help her. But I insisted, and in next to no time we had all her shopping back on the shelves.”
On the job
BUSINESS-MINDED Malcolm Boyd from Milngavie has been explaining to us how difficult it is getting the right candidate for a job. He recalls one chap who, when filling out the section on sex in his application form, proudly wrote: ‘Once.’
Smart thinking
WE’RE devising alternative definitions for ‘ologies’ to study at university. David Donaldson reveals that nanotechnology is the study of methods to teach old women how to use their smartphones properly.
Dodgy disease
“I HAVE a rare condition that means I have to take a tablet ever day,” says reader Tom Fenn. “Sadly I’m no longer allowed in the Apple store.”
Why are you making commenting on The Herald only available to subscribers?
It should have been a safe space for informed debate, somewhere for readers to discuss issues around the biggest stories of the day, but all too often the below the line comments on most websites have become bogged down by off-topic discussions and abuse.
heraldscotland.com is tackling this problem by allowing only subscribers to comment.
We are doing this to improve the experience for our loyal readers and we believe it will reduce the ability of trolls and troublemakers, who occasionally find their way onto our site, to abuse our journalists and readers. We also hope it will help the comments section fulfil its promise as a part of Scotland's conversation with itself.
We are lucky at The Herald. We are read by an informed, educated readership who can add their knowledge and insights to our stories.
That is invaluable.
We are making the subscriber-only change to support our valued readers, who tell us they don't want the site cluttered up with irrelevant comments, untruths and abuse.
In the past, the journalist’s job was to collect and distribute information to the audience. Technology means that readers can shape a discussion. We look forward to hearing from you on heraldscotland.com
Comments & Moderation
Readers’ comments: You are personally liable for the content of any comments you upload to this website, so please act responsibly. We do not pre-moderate or monitor readers’ comments appearing on our websites, but we do post-moderate in response to complaints we receive or otherwise when a potential problem comes to our attention. You can make a complaint by using the ‘report this post’ link . We may then apply our discretion under the user terms to amend or delete comments.
Post moderation is undertaken full-time 9am-6pm on weekdays, and on a part-time basis outwith those hours.
Read the rules here