DOC DERIDED

BATHGATE-BORN thespian David Tennant is a popular fellow, especially amongst Doctor Who fans, who adored his interpretation of the show’s lead character.

When Tennant appeared at Wales Comic Con at the weekend the queues to meet him were as long and winding as any road ever eulogised by Paul McCartney.

Though there was one naysayer amongst the faithful. An elderly chap was spotted at the end of the queue, grim of face, and holding aloft a placard which emphatically declared "He’s not that special!"

Rather awkwardly, the bloke holding the placard (hopefully in jest) was Peter Davison, another former Doctor Who icon… and David Tennant’s father-in-law.

OUT ON A LIMB

WE continue our tales of strange encounters in record stores. Gordon Fisher from Stewarton recalls sauntering into Listen Records in the 1970s and saying to the assistant: "Excuse me, do you have Wings?"

Chewing her gum, flicking the page of a magazine, and without looking up, she replied: "Naw, ah've goat erms like everyone else."

COOL CAR

OBSERVANT Diary correspondent David Donaldson spotted an unusual car registration in Glasgow’s Crow Road – FA55 BUX

“No prizes for guessing it was on a BMW,” chuckles David.

PARTY PIECE

POLITICALLY-ENGAGED Diary reader Bert Peattie heard about an MP who visited a primary school in his constituency. The Westminster chap said to the little ‘uns gathered to hear him speak: "Does anyone know who the Prime Minister is?"

"Boris Johnson," replied the more clued-up kiddies.

"Do you know what party he represents?" was the next question from the MP.

One little fellow thrust his hand in the air, and with conviction and authority ringing in his voice, replied: "Is it the Christmas Party?"

HT OH

A DIARY tale about perplexed pupils reminds former maths teacher Debbie Meehan of the occasion when the head teacher of her school spoke to her while she was teaching a first year class.

Although she asked the class to quietly continue with their work, there was a great deal of chatter.

When the headmaster left, she reprimanded the class, saying: “Do you know who that was?”

Being new to the school, most of them had only seen him supervising the arrival and departure of school buses.

“I’ll give you a clue,” said Debbie. “On his office door it says HT.”

An eager hand shot into the air.

“Head of Transport?” said the owner of the eager hand.

Fiendish Fido

“IT’S claimed a dog is man’s best friend,” says reader Maurice Gilbert. “But I don’t even have enemies that look me dead in the eye while making a puddle on my carpet.”

Vocal coach

ANIMAL lover Marnie Brown says: “If you have a pet parrot and don’t teach it to say "Help, they’ve turned me into a parrot", you’re wasting you’re time.”

Wizard in Oz

BATHGATE-BORN comedian Fern Brady is touring Australia. Usually based in England, she has discovered that the amicable Aussies are much more embracing of her Scottishness than the folk she all too often meets in the land of Jacob Rees-Mogg and Boris Johnson.

Fern explains that she loves Oz because everywhere she travels people adore her accent rather than saying: “Please keep an eye on this potential shoplifter."

Pampered?

EAGLE-EYED reader David Donaldson spotted a van with the company name emblazoned across the side: Green Motion: Car and Van Rental.

Says David: “I’m guessing whoever dreamt up the name didn’t have any hands-on experience of changing a small baby's nappy…”

Door belle

WITH a nostalgic glint in his eye, Ian Noble from Carstairs Village tells us that many years ago the man living across the road from him would be accompanied by his wife to their front door. They would then kiss and hug each other before he went off to work.

“My wife asked me why I didn’t do that,” recalls Ian. “I replied: ‘I hardly even know the woman.’”

Talk show

TO prove our thesis that educational establishments would run more efficiently if it wasn’t for all those pesky pupils, the Diary has been publishing a series of exposés about the fiendish youngsters who make every teacher’s life a daily trauma.

A retired nursery school headmistress told Malcolm Boyd from Milngavie that she once read the story of Snow White and the Seven Dwarves to her class of pre-schoolers.

The kids were clearly enthralled by the dramatic narrative involving Snow White wandering, lost and alone, in a forest. Suddenly one little scholar thrust her hand in the air and asked: "Why did Snow White no just phone her mammy on her mobbie?"

Stone-cold theft

GINGER-HAIRED warbler Ed Sheeran won a recent copyright dispute, after it was claimed he had nabbed lines and phrases from the work of other musicians.

Finlay Buchanan from Edinburgh says: “This made me wonder why nobody from the Western Isles has taken the Rolling Stones to court. Their 60s hit Hey You, Get Offa My Cloud is clearly based on the traditional song Hey McLeod Get Offa My Ewe.”

* Read Lorne Jackson's Diary every day in The Herald