Brought to book
SCOTTISH crime scribe Abir Mukherjee touched down in Lyon for a local book festival, where he bumped into Edinburgh’s favourite sweary-word wit, Irvine Welsh.
It wasn’t long before the two chaps were imbibing bubbles and exchanging barbed bon mots, as literary lions are apt to do on such occasions.
Quote of the night, we are reliably informed was: “Hamilton? That’s Glasgow without the glamour.”
Dance hall delusion
THE Diary believes that schools would run remarkably efficiently if it wasn’t for all those pesky pupils polluting the classrooms and corridors. To prove our thesis we’re publishing a series of exposés about those devilish fiends who make every teacher’s life a waking nightmare.
Brian Logan from Langside recalls writing the heading on the blackboard at the start of an arithmetic lesson when there was a knock on the door.
He stopped what he was doing to speak to a fellow teacher for a few moments. Returning to the room, he was surprised to discover the pupils looking unusually attentive and keen to begin.
Then he noticed that he had been writing the word "Discount" on the blackboard when interrupted, but had only managed to complete the first five letters… Disco.
Weighty words
SCHOLARLY comment of the day from reader Stan Graham: “A lighter gets lighter when you light it.”
Pampered owner?
EAGLE-EYED reader David Donaldson spotted a van with the company name emblazoned across the side: Green Motion: Car and Van Rental.
Says David: “I’m guessing whoever dreamt up the name didn’t have any hands-on experience of changing a small baby's nappy…”
Door belle
WITH a nostalgic glint in his eye, Ian Noble from Carstairs Village tells us that many years ago the man living across the road from him would be accompanied by his wife to their front door. They would then kiss and hug each other before he went off to work.
“My wife asked me why I didn’t do that,” recalls Ian. “I replied: ‘I hardly even know the woman’.”
Strange meeting
THE Glasgow night bus is the scene of many a bizarre encounter. Reader Kenny Barclay was on one such vehicle when he spotted a chap intently perusing a Bible.
A drunken lout tapped this fellow on the shoulder, and said: “Ah can save ye the bother o’ readin’ tae the end, pal. It wis the butler that done it.”
Wisdom of ages
“MY wife keeps telling me to act my age,” sighs reader Pete Walsh. “But I don’t know how, as I’ve never been this old until today.”
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