Artful dodger
WE continue with our tales of pesky pupils. A few years ago former teacher Gordon Fisher from Stewarton took some school children from Glasgow’s east end to Scotland’s National Gallery to inflict some kulchur on the poor wee souls.
The guide showed the class a painting by Vincent van Gogh titled Orchard in Blossom. She then asked if the pupils had any questions. One young chap asked how much it was worth.
The guide explained it was probably priceless. She then inquired if there were any more questions.
The same little art lover raised his hand and said: "Aye, but if ye hud tae pit a price on it, whit wid it be?"
"I really don't know,” responded the patient guide. “But recently one of his paintings sold at auction for over $300 million. Any more questions?"
The persistent pupil thrust his hand in the air yet again. The guide, now showing signs of frustration, hissed: "Yes?"
"So whit time do you close,” inquired the boy, “and how good's your alarm system?"
Oz love-in
BATHGATE-BORN comedian Fern Brady is touring Australia. Usually based in England, she has discovered that the amicable Aussies are much more embracing of her Scottishness than the folk she all too often meets in the land of Jacob Rees-Mogg and Boris Johnson.
Fern explains that she loves Oz because everywhere she travels people adore her accent rather than saying: “Please keep an eye on this potential shoplifter."
Projecting ignorance
CURIOUS reader Nigel Riddell says: “I know it’s a long shot, but can anyone tell me what a trebuchet is?”
Brain teaser
WITH a troubled look on her face, the teenage daughter of reader Mary Jones recently said to her: “I don’t know what IQ stands for. Does that mean I have a low IQ?”
Cracking up
WELL-TRAVELLED reader Richard Davis, who is currently based in Vienna, went for a drive the other day. “I ventured into the next state, Upper Austria,” says Richard, “and came across a place called Rottenegg. Decided not to stop for a coffee or hang around too long…”
Rocky reply
PLANNING to enjoy a holiday in Wiltshire this summer, reader Pamela Durrant told her nine-year-old son that they would hopefully visit Stonehenge during their stay.
“That’s just silly,” countered the confused kiddie. “How can a hedge be made of stone?”
Quicky query
QUESTION of the day arrives from reader Maureen Clarke, who says: “If McDonald’s sold escargot, would it be fast food or not?”
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