Egg-celling
AS April fast approaches the popular Glasgow crime writer Denise Mina recalls the very special prize a family member once bagged at this time of year.
“Easter always reminds me of my mum winning Woolworths’ ‘put the hat on the man’ competition,” she fondly recalls. “The prize was her choice of out-of-date Easter eggs and a chance to meet the manager.”
Numbers racket
FORMER maths teacher Margaret Thomson recalls being asked by one of her pupils: “Are we doing gozinties this morning, miss?”
Perhaps imagining that she had a mathematical prodigy on her hands who knew more about the subject than she did, Margaret set about quizzing the young genius in order to discover what he was talking about.
After asking a few questions, she realised he was referring to division sums, such as ‘2 gozinty 4’.
“I still think of division this way,” admits an unrepentant Margaret.
Card trick
WEST End author Deedee Cuddihy was in the Bank of Scotland on Byres Road this week when she overheard a chap in his thirties say to the teller: "Hi. I'm in for a new bank card. I got arrested at the weekend and my card's gone missing in custody."
In a relaxed, conversational tone he added: "The same thing happened the last time I was in prison."
Weather watch
THE weather in Scotland has been impressively un-Scottish of late, though spoilsport meteorologists inform us that normal service is to be resumed.
All this climatic confusion leads River City actor Jordan Young to demand to know: “Sunbathing or sledging tomorrow?”
(The Diary never likes to be caught out, so we’ll be sledging in Speedos, while supplying our office snowman with his very own parasol.)
Punch line
NEWS just in. On social media Kara Jane Adams says: “Not wanting a repeat of this weekend’s debacle, I’m hearing that the Academy has approached Jerry Sadowitz to host next year’s Oscars.”
Corking outfit
MEANWHILE, Ian Noble from Carstairs Village surely must get a prize for finding something interesting to say about the Academy Awards that doesn’t involve two chaps and one slap. Instead, Ian focuses on the elegance and style of Hollywood actresses.
“I saw some highlights from the Oscars,” says Ian. “Was amazed at the revealing outfits on display. Certain I saw one which consisted of two corn plasters and a cork.”
Best friend
ANIMAL loving reader Jennifer Brown tells us: “I’ve trained my dog to go and fetch me a bottle of wine. He’s a Bordeaux collie.”
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