THE entrepreneurial skills of Scotland’s showbiz fraternity is to be admired. During last year’s Christmas spending spree Ford Kiernan and Greg Hemphill, the creators and stars of TV sitcom Still Game, took to promoting bottles of the hard stuff, marketed under the names of their alter egos.

Jack and Victor Blended Scotch Whisky became a popular method of getting stocious that yuletide season.

With Mother’s Day fast approaching the savvy laddies are now punting bottles of gin in a similar fashion.

Reader Frank Kent says: “I wonder what they’ll be selling next. Chocolate easter eggs shaped like Boaby The Barman’s bonce, with a marzipan mullet drizzled down the back?”

Native American number

THIS year reader George Tomlinson celebrates a milestone birthday. When asked by a younger friend how old he would be, he explained to her: “Hen, I knew the first of the Mohicans.”

(George will be 80.)

Brought to book

LINGUISTIC prowess is never far away when you visit King’s Bookshop in Callander, which is run by Sally Evans and hubby Ian King.

Sally recently ordered Ian up a ladder with a set of brackets to fix the shop sign.

This thrilling spectacle attracted the attention of a group of idle tourists, who eagerly crowded round to watch a chap sweating over manual labour.

“Do any of you gentlemen have the Gaelic, at all?” enquired Ian of the crowd.

They answered in the negative.

“Good,” said Ian. “I'll swear in that, then.”

Food for thought

CULINARY inclined reader Murray Hanford says: “Being too lazy to go out for junk food is a case of two negatives making a positive.”

Breakfast boo-boo

PERTHSHIRE novelist Helen Grant’s latest magnum opus is titled Too Near The Dead. When it comes to domestic arrangements that should probably be Too Near The Kitchen, for Helen’s other half accidentally fried his breakfast omelette in cod liver oil, which is contained in a bottle dangerously similar to the olive oil.

“He decided to eat it anyway,” reveals Helen, who admits the poor fellow did look faintly nauseated.

Timely tonsuring

RISHI Sunak has been accused of insulting our nation after delivering a speech to Scottish Tory conference that lasted just over two minutes.

“I don’t know why people are complaining,” says reader Ingrid Broadley. “That’s one minute fifty nine seconds more than Rishi’s boss spends on his hair.”

Snappy centenarian

PHILOSOPHICAL thought of the day from reader Richard Grace. “Alligators can live to be 100 years old,” he points out. “Which is why there’s an increased chance they’ll see you later.”