Tooth wary

Scottish Labour leader Anas Sarwar was reminiscing about his previous career as a dentist on Times Radio this week. “I would never go back,” he said firmly, recalling full “dental clearances” and false gnasher installations in Paisley. He still gets propositioned at Holyrood about treatment but has a polished technique for dealing with freeloaders. “The number of MSPs and journalists who ask me to look at this or that… but then, as soon as I suggest I get the tools out, they all change their minds.” He retains his gift for torture, evidently.

No friendly faces

THIS week saw the Prime Minister take the perilous journey north into Scotland. With the Scottish Tories giving their PM the cold shoulder after the Holyrood Conservatives calling for him to quit for his involvement in the partygate saga – Mr Johnson can always count on his lapdog Scottish Secretary Alister Jack to have his back. Mr Jack insisted the PM has his “full support” after the Sue Gray report was published. But Unspun was left bemused when Mr Jack was unable to greet the PM in Scotland as he was on a previously-booked holiday. We know how much Tory ministers enjoy a vacation – even if they have no intention of vacating office.

Rambling Man

AS if Boris Johnson crossing the border wasn’t bad enough, Scottish Tory leader Douglas Ross has also had to endure a social media clip of him quizzing a baffled TSB boss at a recent Commons committee. “The Moray Rambler is the van that goes around Moray and stops in communities where the banks have been withdrawn,” he declares. “No, that is not us. We do not have a van,” says the TSB boss. “It works out of the Elgin branch,” Mr Ross persists. “No, that is definitely not us,” comes the reply. Alas for the Moray MP, the rambler is, as his constituents know, run by the RBS not the TSB. Still, he got two letters right.

Worst. Job. Ever.

BRASS Neck of the week went to Marco Biagi, the former SNP minister who announced he had applied to be a council candidate in south Edinburgh. Last year he quit as head of the SNP’s Yes Taskforce with a Facebook post declaring, “the best job offer I've ever had turned out to be worst job I've ever had". He also suggested his old rival for the Holyrood candidacy in Edinburgh Central was “a pompous impressionable idiot”. Angus Robertson is now the constitution secretary. We’re sure none of the above will come up in his selection vetting.

Spaced out

TENSE times inside the Scottish Government over the forthcoming – and not at all massively overhyped - National Strategy for Economic Transformation, which promised “bold ideas” to change the country. Alas, sometimes the bold got in the way of the sensible. Unspun hears one draft had around 10 breathless references to the boutique trade in satellite launches, but only one to the retail sector, which employs hundreds of thousands of Scots. Officials were told to get their heads out of the clouds, and their feet on the ground pronto. We can’t wait.

Face in the crowd

TORY local government chief Miles Briggs was quizzed over the PM's missing mug on one of the party's local elections leaflets. Before playing it down, the Lothians MSP bemoaned the fact he didn't make the cut himself – with the party's new Holyrood recruits given the unenviable task to face up the campaign.