Cop strop
OUR tale about some fiendish young reprobates reminds Peter Mackay from Kincraig of the primary six teacher in Greenock who had her class write an essay about the police.
All the children composed highly complimentary prose apart from wee Johnnie, who wrote: “The polis are b******s.”
Unruffled by this, the teacher arranged for the class to have a day out, and they found themselves visiting the local cop shop. The youngsters were treated splendidly, with Cokes and crisps in the canteen followed by a tour of the smart liveried cars in the garage.
Next day they were required to write another essay on the same subject as previously.
Each discourse was a celebration of the sterling work of the local constabulary, apart from wee Johnny’s composition, where he’d written: “The polis are cunning b******s.”
Big catastrophe
AN East Dunbartonshire resident with aspirations to forge a career in Hollywood is currently working on his pitch for a movie about a blond-haired jungle beast who prowls the corridors of Westminster and makes his lair in Number 10 Downing Street.
And the movie’s name? The Lyin’ King.
Logging off
ON a similar subject… Reader Bob Serafini was strolling in Smeaton, East Linton, when he spotted a tree with a card attached, explaining that it was a King Boris Fir.
“Perhaps a certain someone is thinking of turning over a new leaf and has ambitions for royal status,” muses Bob.
Though it could also be that the tree is merely dead wood, ready for the chop…
Literary loser
WITH a bitter sigh, reader Rebecca Moore says: “I haven't sold a single copy of my autobiography. That's the story of my life.”
Mind your language
SOME years ago, Alasdair MacLennan from Stirling chaired the Institution of Civil Engineers' 100th annual dinner in Glasgow.
One of his duties was to address the haggis from the top table, once it had been piped in.
Learning the words beforehand, he took particular note of the line: "Like taps of thistles".
“I was sorely tempted to say 'like Partick Thistle’ to see if anyone picked up on it,” admits Alasdair, who adds with some regret, “on the night I chickened out.”
(Or perhaps, given the nature of the occasion, we should say he haggised out.)
Irreverent reverend
WE continue celebrating professionals with intriguing titles. Bryce Drummond from Kilmarnock recalls the Philippine Catholic leader, Jaime Sin, who went by the name of… Cardinal Sin.
Food for thought
CULINARY-MINDED reader Brian Stevenson says: “I tend to eat Chinese dumplings with wanton abandon.”
Read more: When Glasgow kids could have copped it for Tattoo takeaway
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