Gone to putt
A GOLFING yarn in the Diary inspires Russell Smith, from Largs, to inform us of an update to the lexicon used by players of the game.
Apparently when a golfer is confronted by a tricky wee five-footer, it’s referred to as… a Sturgeon.
Apple monitor
GREEN-FINGERED reader Julia Wilson has been trying to grow genetically modified apples. “But now it’s all gone pear-shaped,” she sighs.
Core response
KINDLY reader Dave Leitch offered a visiting pal an apple. “But he told me he preferred pears,” says Dave. “So I gave him another apple.”
Full of beans
WATCHING TV, Peter Niven from the isle of Bute found himself intrigued by a programme extolling the virtues of a diet based on vegetables and pulses.
What really fascinated our reader was the home economist working on the show, who was named… Anita Bean.
Gas alert
“MY helium addiction is out of control,” admits reader Matthew Brown. “But no one is taking my cry for help seriously.”
Flight of fancy
BACK to studying the exotic terminology used by modern golfers. Bob Byiers tells us of a shot called a Ryanair. It has a lovely flight but lands miles from the intended destination.
Air we go
A WORRIED reader mentioned this week that their addiction to helium is out of control. Gordon Casely sufferers from the same condition. “But I continue to rise with the challenge,” he says.
Dry wit
OVERHEARD on a Glasgow bus. One chap says to his pal: “I’ve been trying to do ‘Dry January’ but it’s impossible. So I’m doing Dry Monday to Thursday instead.”
Dead funny
“WHAT do you call a typo on a headstone?” asks reader Mary Shaw. “A grave mistake.”
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