Cat A, Cat E

THE daughter-in-law of Sandy Macdonald from Paisley recently went to a performance of The Importance of Being Earnest. Inspired by the characters on stage, she has now decided that any pet cats she owns in the future will be named Algernon and Ernest.

Sandy says: “I wonder, will they be wilde cats?”

Name game (again)

THE Diary continues to shine a light on the curious phenomenon of people whose monikers provide a quirky commentary on their chosen profession.

Browsing an Australian newspaper, Lachlan Bradley stumbled across an article about the New South Wales health officer, who has signed an amendment to the Public Health Act "to prohibit singing and dancing by persons attending music festivals".

And the name of this rather puritanical and authoritarian dignitary?

Kerry Chant.

Flight of fancy

WE’RE studying the exotic terminology used by modern golfers. Bob Byiers tells us of a shot called a Ryanair. It has a lovely flight but lands miles from the intended destination.

Boris + bottle

THESE are grim days for our nation’s noble leader, who continues to face flak because of the party / work meeting / accidental collision of colleagues in the Downing Street back garden which took place during lockdown.

(Take your pick from the above options which you’d prefer to believe.)

The evidence is pretty damning, with an email sent prior to the event requesting attendees bring a bottle.

Reader Alan Edmondson rushes to our beleaguered PM’s defence to say: “At least nobody can blame Boris for being involved in that aspect of the shenanigans. There’s no way he’d agree to bring his own booze unless there was a prior arrangement for Tory donors to supply him with plonk from Oddbins.”

Ear today ...

THE actor’s life can be one of trial, tribulation and bitter disappointment. Jordan Young, the dynamic and youthful-looking thespian who is famed for his appearances in River City and Scot Squad, knows this only too well.

The other day he had a wobbly moment of woe when he realised he had a hairy ear, a sure sign in a bloke that old age and decrepitude are imminent.

“Turned out it was just fluff off a jumper,” he sighs with relief. “Playing age still 20-26…”

(He’s actually in his 40s, but – shhhh! – don’t tell anyone.)

Air we go

A WORRIED reader mentioned this week that their addiction to helium is out of control. Gordon Casely sufferers from the same condition. “But I continue to rise with the challenge,” he says.

Read more: TV cuts: Gonnae no dae that?