Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy a funny cat video on social media as much as anyone. But usually a trawl through Twitter can leave me feeling like I’ve had a frontal lobotomy but without the laughs. However, sometimes little glimpses of genius can peek through the mindless junk.

One such tiny pearl of perfection has been served up by Louis Henwood, who has created a brilliantly detailed Monopoly-themed board game called Corruption. No prizes for guessing what the inspiration for Louis’s timely concept has been.

It’s all there in glorious technicolour, but this time the London properties have been replaced with Tory scandals, indiscretions and outright lies dotted around the board. There are lots to choose from.

Starting off at “Go”, you pick up your minuscule £81,932 MP’s salary. A tough start for a Tory MP with big ambitions and propensity for greed – but it’s not long before you’re filling your boots with as much largesse at the taxpayers’ expense as you can get.

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Roll a two and you land on the old Community Chest (now renamed Community Plunder) square, where you’re asked for three million quid just to get into the House of Lords. A costly start, but the doors they open are worth it. A few spaces further on and you’re on the “Grenfell Cladding” square, which again is not an issue as you’re advised to simply “just ignore the problem”.

The train stations are no more. Instead what would have been Marylebone is now called Wallpaper, demanding a pricey £840 a roll. It’s all adding up, but don’t worry there are lots of opportunities to top up your paltry salary. The Chance square has now been renamed Chancer, while the “Go to Jail” corner has been scrapped – the golden rule being “nobody ever goes to jail”. Instead you might have to spend a few minutes stuck in a fridge as you try to avoid a pesky reporter.

Skipping along, you will encounter energy price rises, be asked to test your eyesight with a trip to Barnard Castle or best of all pick up a PPE contract worth a tidy £8 million. What you don’t want to do is land on the “Get Brexit Done” square. This may lead to a few awkward questions, but you’ll breeze on through regardless without collecting the promised £350m.

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By this stage you’ll be getting into the Tory mindset, and it’s amazing how easy it is to ignore the pain and misery left in your wake as you line your pockets. The BBC square gives you the chance to show off your nasty side as you threaten them with defunding, while the good times roll again with the Test and Trace box (formerly King Cross Station) with a handsome £37 billion at your disposal.

Ignoring the Raw Sewage box, you’re into the final stretch where Greensill Capital adds another £60m to your bulging coffers, while the Community Chest allows you to “take what you want from the Treasury”. Moving on, avoiding to pay tax, of course, you could be treated to tennis with Boris at a mere £160,000 helped along with a £4m Russian donation.

I’ve no idea who Mr Henwood is, but at a stroke he’s offered a masterclass for any would-be Tory MPs. Sadly, due to copyright rules, you can’t buy it in the shops, but I’m sure if Boris and his chums got their hands on it they would find it a marvellous hoot down at the Garrick Club. But a few words of warning – never challenge them to a game of Corruption. After all, they are the experts.

 

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