Horse sense nonsense
WE hear that football fans on the other side of Hadrian’s Wall have suddenly, and quite inexplicably, grown bored of discussing the Euros.
Now they just want to move on. Discuss other topics. Any topics. Topics that have nothing to do with chaps called Harry or Raheem or Marcus.
Meanwhile, the Diary hasn’t quite exhausted the subject of kickyball.
Australia-based Scottish comedian David Callan tells us that the rather skewed BBC-style commentary that invariably favours the English team, while downplaying other nations’ chances, has now infected antipodean sports broadcasting.
Apparently one of the Aussie TV channels hired an English bloke to pontificate about football. This chap proudly proclaimed that he had picked Italy as his "dark horse" team to win the Euros.
That would be the same "dark horse" Italy who have won four World Cups and remain unbeaten since 2018.
Footy faux pas
WHILE we’re discussing the footy… Brian Logan from Langside recalls a 1950s radio broadcast of a Scotland-England international. Scottish defender Sammy Cox suffered a bad injury early on and didn’t reappear for the second half.
No substitutes were allowed back then, so when the teams came out for the final 45 minutes the radio broadcaster said: “Here come 10 brave Scots without Cox.”
Alliteration always
A FEW years ago Malcolm Boyd from Milngavie decided to get an extension added to his house. The chaps who worked on it were called Bob the builder, Eddie the electrician and Paul the plumber.
The Diary is now eager to discover if life always works out better when you only deal with professionals of an alliterative persuasion.
If this is indeed the case, we advise all our readers to only agree to visit the Moon if Alison the Astronaut is in command of the rocket flying there.
Cold calling
QUESTION of the day from reader Jim Hamilton: “If you're not supposed to eat at night, why is there a light bulb in the refrigerator?”
Smoking hot
THE Diary likes to boast that it is as deliciously daring as a flapper from the roaring twenties, giddy on bathtub gin.
Which explains why we’ve been publishing stories about (shock! horror!) nudity.
With this in mind, Gordon Casely asks: “Why do nudists smoke briar pipes?”
The answer is: “Because they’ve nae clays.”
Carpetbagger
ANOTHER Glasgow-style name for the new Indiana Jones movie. David Donaldson suggests: Indiana Jones and the Templeton Carpet.
Teutonic termination
“I DELETED all the German names from my pre-owned mobile phone,” says reader Garry Roberts. “It's now Hans free.”
Read more: Diving and hype before Euros final is at least over
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