Warrior words

WE recently pointed out that Ally McCoist managed to slip the Scots word “outwith” into his Euros commentary, which was broadcast in all parts of the UK.

This victory for the Jock jargon reminds Eric Begbie from Stirling of the time the word furth – a Scots variant of the English term ‘forth’ – sneaked its way into a 1950s Westminster Act of Parliament.

The Diary is now encouraging the Scots lingo to accelerate its invasion of the English language by stealth, never retreating until the Saltire banner is planted on the tip of the tongue of the Auld Enemy.

And we shall know our triumph is complete when Boris Johnson rises in the House of Commons, points to Kier Starmer, and says: “Oi, hingmy. Wit’s the beef, pal?”

Fighting talk

A DIARY tale about newspaper headlines reminds Dougie McNicol from Bridge of Weir of something he once read in an illustrious Fleet Street newspaper, where a prominent general was described as being ‘battle scared’.

Our confused reader imagined this would be something of a drawback in the career this fellow had chosen.

All was cleared up when an apology appeared in the newspaper, which admitted that the poor chap was actually battle scarred.

Brought to book

A LITERARY suggestion from Kevin Young, who says: “If you empty the pile of receipts in your wallet or purse and stack them together, it makes an itty-bitty book you can read, where the story is you versus your bank account. Spoiler alert: It doesn’t have a happy ending.”

Red alert

WE recently noted that the Queen refused a sip of Irn Bru whilst visiting a Barr’s plant in Scotland. Reader John Mulholland has a theory why she declined. He believes that, for understandable reasons, she has gone off all things that could possibly be described as ginger.

Typical twins?

WHEN Patrick Murphy was in a coffee shop, he overheard an elderly lady say to her female chum at the next table: “Well, I always say Sharon is exactly like my daughter, Ruth. Though, of course, Sharon doesn’t look a bit like Ruth. And her personality’s completely different, too.”

Perfect pathway

CONFUSED Nina Buckley asks: “Why is it called ‘Roadmap out of Lockdown’ and not ‘Road to De-Mask-Us?’”

The love racket

THE Diary salutes Andy Murray, who continues to perform minor miracles on the lawns of Wimbledon. Though reader Frank Galbraith isn’t impressed by tennis players as a group. “The divorce rate is very high amongst their ilk,” he points out.. “To them, love means nothing.”