All for Ally
THE Diary has been desperately scuffling around, searching for something positive and life-affirming to say about Scotland’s contribution to the Euros.
So far all we’ve come up with is that our fans helped to pick up the rubbish that they, themselves, had dumped on the streets of London, when they visited the Capital for the match against England.
We’re calling this splendid PR triumph The Great Litter Lout Turnabout.
When the next Street-Sweeping World Cup arrives, Scotland will undoubtedly come away with the magnificent trophy, a gold-plated, diamond encrusted wheely bin.
Meanwhile, we’ve managed to unearth another Euro triumph for the Scottish nation to boast about.
Loquacious former Rangers striker Ally McCoist has been commentating on the footy games for ITV, and he’s been impressing viewers with his golden-tongued gabbing.
On social media, Kenny Stewart says: “Congratulations to Ally McCoist for his use of "outwith" on network TV.”
Cheesy comment
A DIARY mention of a Glasgow cheese shop reminds reader Dave Johnson of the time he strolled past a similar store in Glasgow’s west end, late at night. Two tipsy student types, who had clearly staggered out of a nearby pub, glanced at the "Cheesemonger" sign over the door. One said to the other: “I’ve no idea how you monger a cheese. But it sounds painful, and I bet the cheese isn’t a willing participant.”
Bruhaha
VISITING a Barr’s processing centre, the Queen declined a sip of the firm’s legendary Irn Bru beverage. “Her Majesty is meant to be politically neutral,” points out Rob Young, “but this is a clear sign that she prefers the original Irn Bru recipe to the new one.”
Our reader adds: “If this isn’t a constitutional crisis, what is?”
Bottle battle
WE’RE celebrating the newspaper headlines that make journalism a joy. Reader Norman Lawson recalls one that was printed in the Second World War, which might have been the turning point in the conflict. It was "French push bottles up 2,000 Germans".
Wine whine
OUTRAGED reader Jim Hamilton is determined to complain to a store about a wine box he purchased.
“The box says ‘once opened, will last eight weeks’,” says Jim. “It only lasted three days.”
Java script
A TALE of sleepiness and desire. Marion Carson from Dunblane tells us of a café in York that has a sign outside which reads: “A yawn is just a cry for coffee.”
Fighting talk
A PERTINENT and pugnacious point is made by sports fan Justin Simmons, who says: “If the heavyweight world championship is undisputed, then what’s all the fighting about?”
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