Say cheese
FEELING rather sad that words like "milliner", "draper” and "hosier" are fading from common usage, reader David Donaldson was reminded of a story told by Glasgow artist and musician Al Fleming.
A number of years back, when Mellis the cheese shop was getting fitted out, a friend of Al’s was sitting on a bus behind a couple of Glesga wifies.
The new shop attracted their attention, and one read out the shop name: Mellis – Cheesemonger.
To which the other auld dear said: “Ah wunner whit they’ll be sellin?"
Club music
A DIARY article discussing the national footy squad’s unofficial anthem, Yes Sir, I Can Boogie reminds reader Eric Macdonald of a team who entered a golf tournament and chose to play under the rather uninspiring name Yes Sir, I Can Bogey.
Buried Bolshie
WE’VE been celebrating graffiti with added gravitas. Reader Craig McCall has been pondering a politically pugnacious example of the art form which he recently spotted scrawled on a wall, which read: "Is Karl Marx's grave a communist plot?"
Mind your language
YET again we delve deep into the dizzying daffiness that is the English language. Jim Hamilton points out that the words "jail" and "prison" are synonyms. But "jailor" and "prisoner" are antonyms.
More Matt
IT’S the one-day anniversary of the Diary promising not to publish any more snide comments about Matt Hancock. And we’ve decided to celebrate this auspicious occasion… by publishing another snide comment about Matt Hancock.
Still Game and River City star Sanjeev Kohli says: “They’ve put together an edited package of all of Matt Hancock’s gaffes, and it’s longer than his actual career.”
Pregnant pause
WE’VE been celebrating memorable newspaper headlines. Reader Ralph Baxter recalls one example of the craft he spotted about 20 years ago, which read "Statistics Show That Teen Pregnancy Drops Off Significantly After Age 25".
Not especially newsworthy, perhaps. Though certainly scientifically accurate.
Heading for danger
WELL-TRAVELLED reader Murray Gilmour has noticed that people who live in tropical climes tend to be a little more prone to nervous and excitable behaviour than those from chillier locales.
“Perhaps this is because so many people in hot countries have ceiling fans in their houses,” he muses. “And they realise, with trepidation, that it only takes the shoddy workmanship of one ceiling-fan installer for them to unexpectedly find themselves reliving the last moments on earth of Marie Antoinette.”
Bar on bars
SWEET-TOOTHED reader Jenny Hannah says: “I’m doing my best to remove the word chocolate from my vocadbury.”
Read more: Have the SFA checked if Matt Hancock has Scottish ancestry?
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