The bog standard
THE Diary was sad to hear of the threatened closure of the McVitie’s biscuit factory in Tollcross. Author Deedee Cuddihy recalls an anecdote told to her by a woman who worked there, which was later published in Deedee’s book "The Wee Guide to Scottish Women".
Reminiscing about her time on the shop floor, this former employee said: “The woman in charge of the recipe room I worked in was called Vera Love, who was so proper and lady-like that if you needed to go to the toilet, you weren’t allowed to use the word ‘toilet’ and you certainly didn’t say bog or cludgie or kazi. You had to call it ‘the bathroom’.”
Texting times
WE recently discussed the future of the NHS, when a computer operated ambulance will arrive on the scene of an accident and a mechanical medic will treat the injured party.
Reader John Mulholland adds that in this eutopia/dystopia (take your pick) people will no longer need to phone for medical assistance.
Instead, they will send a text with a symbol specifically devised for summoning an ambulance in an emojincy.
Cutting comment
NEWSPAPERS and hairdressing salons are the main culprits when it comes to inflicting excruciating puns on an aggrieved public. The two sinners teamed up recently when a certain newspaper column, which shall remain nameless (okay, it was the Diary) happened to mention that there’s a snippety-snip joint called Ali Barbers.
Reader Gordon Casely adds to the pun-ishment by telling us: “When I grow up, I’m going to have a barber salon that I’ll call The Royal Hair Force.”
Tree-mendously uneducated
THINKING about big business, reader Stephen Campbell says: “There must be some teenagers who have grown up believing Jeff Bezos bought a rainforest and named it after his company.”
Mystery man
WEARING his mask in the local pharmacy, Malcolm Boyd from Milngavie said to the person at the counter: “The repeat prescription for Malcolm Boyd… or The Lone Ranger.”
The pharmacist, a good sport, replied: “Where does the Lone Ranger live?”
Malcolm confirmed his address and the lady handed over the prescription, drily adding: “Hi Ho Silver, away.”
Spikey and spud
A MENTION of a Dr Shirley who lectured in Glasgow Uni’s psychology department reminds Gilbert MacKay of being taught by the very same fellow, who once memorably explained a point about statistics with the aid of three knitting needles and a potato.
Surrey saviour complex
THOUGHT for the day from reader David Donaldson, who asks: “Do the inhabitants of Woking show a particularly high level of political consciousness?”
Why are you making commenting on The Herald only available to subscribers?
It should have been a safe space for informed debate, somewhere for readers to discuss issues around the biggest stories of the day, but all too often the below the line comments on most websites have become bogged down by off-topic discussions and abuse.
heraldscotland.com is tackling this problem by allowing only subscribers to comment.
We are doing this to improve the experience for our loyal readers and we believe it will reduce the ability of trolls and troublemakers, who occasionally find their way onto our site, to abuse our journalists and readers. We also hope it will help the comments section fulfil its promise as a part of Scotland's conversation with itself.
We are lucky at The Herald. We are read by an informed, educated readership who can add their knowledge and insights to our stories.
That is invaluable.
We are making the subscriber-only change to support our valued readers, who tell us they don't want the site cluttered up with irrelevant comments, untruths and abuse.
In the past, the journalist’s job was to collect and distribute information to the audience. Technology means that readers can shape a discussion. We look forward to hearing from you on heraldscotland.com
Comments & Moderation
Readers’ comments: You are personally liable for the content of any comments you upload to this website, so please act responsibly. We do not pre-moderate or monitor readers’ comments appearing on our websites, but we do post-moderate in response to complaints we receive or otherwise when a potential problem comes to our attention. You can make a complaint by using the ‘report this post’ link . We may then apply our discretion under the user terms to amend or delete comments.
Post moderation is undertaken full-time 9am-6pm on weekdays, and on a part-time basis outwith those hours.
Read the rules here