WE recently mentioned Paisley town centre is being terrorised by a feisty swan named Attila (Full disclosure. It’s actually only the Diary that calls him Attila. When locals spot the villainous bird pulling up flower beds or bullying pedestrians, they tend to use the sobriquet “Oi, you!”).
It transpires that argy-bargy avian antics are not confined to Paisley. George Dale informs us that in his home town of Beith two male peacocks have been swaggering around, much like those black-hatted varmints who made Dodge City such an inhospitable place to live.
Thankfully, the peacocks’ reign of terror was short-lived. Their owner, with considerable help from a spy network formed on Facebook, track and traced them (To coin a phrase).
We imagine the feathered felons are not quite as pea-cocky as they once were.
Bum deal
ACTOR Laurence Fox has launched a political party. Reader Des Jones hopes thespians of all sorts will now rise up and replace professional politicians. He says: “Swapping Boris Johnson for the business end of a pantomime horse would surely add some much needed gravitas to Parliamentary debate.”
Smelly solution
WITH lockdown ramping up again, Bob Jamieson comes forward with the unlikely suggestion that rubbing horse manure on your hands might prevent the coronavirus spreading. He explains it will have the following effects:
1. Prevent the touching of eyes, nose and mouth.
2. Ensure a 6ft distance is maintained between people.
3. Put a stop to the shaking of hands.
4. Guarantee people wash hands often and effectively.
George now hopes the Government won’t poo-poo his radical theory.
Pray delay
WE’RE collecting words for our updated version of the dictionary. Reader Brian Crook suggests: Altercation, n. spending a long weekend in church.
Fatuous fact
MOST far-fetched fact of the day comes from wacky Glasgow-based comedian Michael Redmond, who says: “Elvis Presley is rightly credited with inventing rock 'n' toll, but he invented b***** all after that. He later tried to develop a prototype for a fridge on wheels, but it never took off.”
Batty idea
THE 12-year-old son of reader Julie Hibbert is a thoughtful fellow. “If I ever become a millionaire I’ll give all my money to charity,” he told her, then added after a brief pause: “Either that or I’ll build a Batmobile.”
Dead unlucky
PHILOSOPHICALLY inclined Ian Noble, from Carstairs Village, has been mulling over life’s great mysteries. With chin balanced on hand, looking very much like Rodin’s Thinker, he asks: “What happens if you get scared half to death twice?”
Why are you making commenting on The Herald only available to subscribers?
It should have been a safe space for informed debate, somewhere for readers to discuss issues around the biggest stories of the day, but all too often the below the line comments on most websites have become bogged down by off-topic discussions and abuse.
heraldscotland.com is tackling this problem by allowing only subscribers to comment.
We are doing this to improve the experience for our loyal readers and we believe it will reduce the ability of trolls and troublemakers, who occasionally find their way onto our site, to abuse our journalists and readers. We also hope it will help the comments section fulfil its promise as a part of Scotland's conversation with itself.
We are lucky at The Herald. We are read by an informed, educated readership who can add their knowledge and insights to our stories.
That is invaluable.
We are making the subscriber-only change to support our valued readers, who tell us they don't want the site cluttered up with irrelevant comments, untruths and abuse.
In the past, the journalist’s job was to collect and distribute information to the audience. Technology means that readers can shape a discussion. We look forward to hearing from you on heraldscotland.com
Comments & Moderation
Readers’ comments: You are personally liable for the content of any comments you upload to this website, so please act responsibly. We do not pre-moderate or monitor readers’ comments appearing on our websites, but we do post-moderate in response to complaints we receive or otherwise when a potential problem comes to our attention. You can make a complaint by using the ‘report this post’ link . We may then apply our discretion under the user terms to amend or delete comments.
Post moderation is undertaken full-time 9am-6pm on weekdays, and on a part-time basis outwith those hours.
Read the rules hereLast Updated:
Report this comment Cancel