MEGASTARS are always collecting things. Racing cars. Antiques. Trophy wives or husbands. Jane McCarry, who played Isa in Still Game, has a slightly humbler hoard. “I’ve got 47 mugs,” she explains.

Some of the mugs she has owned for almost 50 years, though she occasionally tries to rid herself of them. “Three times I’ve put some in a charity box, then put them back in the cupboard,” she sighs, adding: “I can’t be alone with this. I’ve got a weird attachment to clay.”

Play for today

NEEDING to do some shopping, a Milngavie reader drove his wife to the local Waitrose, then on to a B&M store in Drumchapel. While waiting in the different queues, our reader’s wife was fascinated by the variances in the Glaswegian language. In Waitrose she overheard the following conversation.

Lady A: “And how are you keeping?”

Lady B: “Bit bored. But hasn’t the weather been wonderful?”

Then it was on to B&M, where another chat was in full flow.

Doll A: “How yis dooin?”

Doll B: “F**k’d aff.”

Doll A: “Aye. No haff.”

Memorable comment

THE Diary believes pop stars are remarkable people, flawless in every way. Though it turns out that local lad Lewis Capaldi has one minor blemish. A ropey memory. Which must be why he posted the following message on social media: “Does anyone know the correct lyrics to Someone You Loved by Lewis Capaldi?” he enquires rather hopefully.

Hard to stomach

THE teenage son of reader Jim Haggard has been dodging exercise, though he’s still proud of his body. Pulling up his T-shirt, the youngster said to dad: “Look at my abs!”

Father wasn’t impressed. “There’s more flab than ab,” he replied. “Which means you’ve got flabs.”

All at sea

A DIARY story about the current vagueness of everyday life reminds reader Malcolm Boyd of his time in the Merchant Navy, when sailors often asked: “When are we getting to the next port?” The usual reply from a navigating officer was: “Mid-aftermorning, on the thirty second of Julember.”

Cleaning up sport

IN Germany the football season has resumed, though David Clark, from Tarbolton, Ayrshire, understands it won’t be business as usual. “I heard on BBC news that German footballers will have their balls disinfected at half-time,” says our sympathetic reader.

Blanket coverage

LIFE can be exasperating. Last week Arthur Kirkpatrick from Largs, and his wife, were on the Internet for hours trying to buy a new duvet. “It was getting us down,” says Arthur.

Bird won’t break

DAFT joke time. “It took me two hours to grill a chicken yesterday,” says Alistair Smith. “And it still wouldn’t tell me why it crossed the road.”