AS a general rule, I tend to give amusement parks a wide berth. Hurly burly rides with terrifying names that allude to imminent death, destruction and dismemberment, not to mention the queueing, screaming and over-priced confectionery? I'll take a hard pass, thanks.

I could, however, be tempted to cross the threshold by newly unveiled plans for an ITV Studios theme park as part of the £3.2billion London Resort in Kent, due to open in 2024.

Billed as the UK's answer to Disneyland, the sprawling 500-acre entertainment site was originally planned to have ties with Paramount Pictures, the Hollywood film studio behind blockbusters such as Mission: Impossible, Star Trek, Transformers and The Godfather.

That deal fell through two years ago but the developers forged agreements with Wallace and Gromit creators Aardman Animations (who it emerged last week have now also pulled out), BBC Worldwide and in recent days ITV Studios.

The focus with ITV is believed to be Thunderbirds Are Go with rides and attractions themed around this and other shows such as Robozuna, a children's sci-fi fantasy programme about an orphaned 14-year-old boy and his homemade robot friend.

It's a decent start I guess, but nothing compared to the fun we could be having if only they would throw open the vaults to some classic telly fare. Here's a few ideas:

The Sweeney

Channel your inner DI Jack Regan/John Thaw by smashing in doors ("Get yer trousers on, you're nicked!") and churning up gravel in a Ford Granada. Or at the very least a souped-up dodgem car.

Midsomer Murders

A backdrop of chocolate-box villages and picturesque countryside beckons but don't let the idyllic setting fool you. This is akin to Cluedo on steroids. Forget candlesticks in the library or a lead pipe in the billiard room. Being bumped off Midsomer Murders style is far more sinister and creative.

Will you be crushed by a tank? Electrocuted while using an exercise bike? Drown in a cauldron of soup? Mauled by a wild boar after being covered in truffle oil? Or shot in the head with a Second World War revolver and your wheelchair sent colliding – via remote control – into a milk van?

Fitting in perfectly with the theme park surrounds, you could be beheaded on a ghost train by an antique sword. Or – my own personal favourite – bludgeoned by a wheel of cheese as happened to Martine McCutcheon in a 2013 episode. If there is any way to go, it is death by cheese.

Gladiators

Do you look good in Lycra? Ah, never mind. No one does. Not even Chris Hoy. Welcome to the Gladiators zone where you can dual with adversaries using a giant cotton bud, dodge balls fired at high speed and swing on a rope to burst through an oversized piece of paper.

Press Gang

Spend the day getting a newspaper out on a shoestring budget. Not as easy as it looks!

Super Gran

Battle with arch nemesis The Scunner Campbell in various settings such as football matches, pigeon racing and beauty pageants.

I'm A Celebrity … Get Me Out Of Here!

Dine on a banquet of crickets, spiders and animal testes in your very own Bushtucker Trial. Crawl through the Catacombs of Doom as insects and rodents are dropped on your head. Jump out of a helicopter into thick jungle. Jeez, the health and safety on this one is going to be a nightmare.

The Krypton Factor

Don a tracksuit and pit your wits with tests of mental agility, physical ability, intelligence, observation and general knowledge. Land a plane in a flight simulator, navigate a maze and race up Mount Krypton. The Krypton Factor deserves a theme park all of its own.

Being boring

THERE is beauty in the mundane – or so the adage goes. That's certainly true for the delegates piling in through the doors of the annual Boring Conference this weekend.

Sneezing, toast, IBM tills, the sounds made by vending machines, the Shipping Forecast, barcodes, yellow lines, the BBC programme Antiques Road Trip, ice cream van chimes, domestic inkjet printers of 1999 and the Yamaha PSR-175 Portatone keyboard are among the topics tackled over the years.

The convention, launched in 2010, aims to address subjects that – in the words of founder James Ward – may "often be considered trivial and pointless, but when you look at them more closely, they reveal themselves to be actually deeply fascinating".

I have never attended the Boring Convention – billed as "a one-day celebration of the mundane, the ordinary, the obvious and the overlooked" – but I quite fancy giving it a whirl.

Subjects I'd like to table for discussion: squirrels, drainage castings and the prizes on Bullseye.

Word games

A NEW batch of Scrabble words have been added to the game's official list. It is a move expected to have many purists up in arms, not least with the inclusion of the two-letter initialism "OK", scoring six points.

Detractors might be tempted to utilise some of the other newbies to spell out their dismay, such as "ew", an "expression of disgust" (five points), and omnishambles, described as a "thoroughly mismanaged situation" (21 points).

In total, 2,862 words reflecting modern society join the existing 276,000 in the Collins Official Scrabble Words. Others include "aquafaba", a vegan substitute for egg whites (22 points); "fatberg", a large mass of fat in a sewer (13 points); and "ze", defined as a gender-neutral pronoun (11 points).

"Hackerazzo" – someone who hacks a celebrity's personal computer – is the highest-scoring new Scrabble word and can bag 27 points.

Other entries of note are the transport-themed "manspreading", when a male passenger spreads his legs into the seats beside him, and "shebagging", when a female passenger places her bag on the seat next to her, worth 18 points apiece.

Not to forget "mansplaining" (13 points) which really needs no explanation. Seriously, don't.