Howling

SOMEHOW we stumbled into stories about ringing for service in pubs, and Bob Cameron recalls: "In a pub near Glasgow Yoonie in the sixties a group of students spotted a bell on the wall. Asking a barman clearing tables, if they rang the bell would he come and serve them, he replied, ‘Whit dae yes think I um, Pavlov’s dug?’"

Sixth sense

GREAT to see that Billy Connolly will be leading the Tartan Day Parade in New York this year. Some detractors think the parade is a bit too much tartan and shortbread for their liking. In fact we remember one year a Scot on the parade handing out bits of Walkers shortbread to the crowds on Sixth Avenue. BBC musician Phil Cunningham was pointed out to him so he threw a packet at Phil but his aim was poor and the packet was falling short. Amazingly Phil dived like a seasoned cricketer, caught the shortie and told everyone, to put some Scottish spin on it, that he wasn't about to let the chance of free food pass him by.

Spell it out

TODAY'S daft gag comes from a reader who emails: "The doctor looking over my test results, finally said to me, 'I don't know how to say this.' So trying to help him I replied, 'Don't be embarrassed. Just sound out the letters and try your best'."

Bag carrier

OUR story about the Glasgow father asking a stranger if he could borrow a nappy has Dr Dick Morris musing about other such requests. Says Dick: "When I was in a local area favoured by dog walkers, a harassed-looking man asked if I had a bag for dog waste. As it happened, there was one in my pocket, for which he was duly grateful. But the worrying aspect was why he chose to ask me, as I have no dog, and on this occasion, was not even exercising my daughter's hound. What is it about my appearance that marks me out as a potential poo-bag carrier?"

Actor's roll

GLASGOW film fans can pay anything from £100 to £350 to attend a dinner in November when Mel Gibson will answer questions about his film career, including his great Scottish film Braveheart. If we could afford it we would turn up to ask him if it's true that he was leaving a restaurant with Scots actor Jimmy Chisholm while filming Braveheart when a couple of old dears rushed over shouting "It's him!" – and went straight to Jimmy to ask him about his role in Take The High Road.

We also have a vague memory of a contest to find Scotland's best comedy moments and shortlist judge Craig Hill declaring: "Favourite comedy moments which didn't make the shortlist were the first time I heard Mel Gibson's Scottish accent in Braveheart, and the initial budget estimate for the Scottish Parliament of £40m."

Child's play

TRICKY thing social media, getting the right tone. A Glasgow reader tells us he heard a young chap tell his pal: "My cousin posted that she was expecting twins, so I replied, 'Finally, two weans from the same father.' And then she blocked me."

Tanking it

GROWING old, continued. Says David Russell: "Another serious indicator of ageing is paying more for a tank of fuel than you paid for your first car."

Anniversary treat

FIRST Minister's Questions at Holyrood yesterday. We liked acting Scots Tory leader Jackson Carlaw's remarks on social media: "Mrs Carlaw and I celebrate our 32nd wedding anniversary today. And I'm spending it with Nicola Sturgeon at FMQs."

Sadly he didn't add any emojis so we don't know if he was happy or sad about that.