SINCE the Harvey Weinstein sexual abuse revelations broke a couple of weeks ago, one of the more notable aspects of the fallout was how quickly reaction moved from debate around the workings of Tinseltown and the entertainment industry to the situation in the real workplaces we mere mortals spend so much of our lives in.
As the majority of women are grimly aware, however, the two worlds align when it comes to the way men in senior positions are so often allowed to get away with predatory sexual behaviour towards female colleagues lower down the ladder by abusing their power to buy silence and implicating the victims in the abuse. Long before the internet existed, never mind the #MeToo hashtag, women talked among themselves about these experiences and warned each other off, weighing up whether it was worth losing their career/reputation/dignity to report the abuser, comforting each other when reaching the conclusion it probably wasn’t.
But I get the impression many boyfriends, husbands, brothers, fathers and sons genuinely didn’t realise their girlfriends, wives, sisters and daughters and mothers endured such routine abuse, and for me one of the most interesting things has been listening to male relatives, friends and colleagues talk about it among themselves.
On the whole I’ve been pretty heartened by what I’ve heard. Not only has there been real and palpable outrage and sadness among men about what the women in their lives have been subjected to, but also wistful regret at not speaking up about abuse they witnessed, and sometimes a genuine questioning of and remorse at their own past behaviour, a reappraisal of masculinity. On the single occasion I heard someone blame a victim for the abuse rather than the perpetrator, it was other men who jumped in and explained why such a perception was both wrong and damaging.
Certainly then, from where I’m sitting plenty of men “get it”. But we now need to grasp this moment and develop the positive rhetoric into something deeper and more lasting. And the only way I can think to practicably achieve this is to not only involve men in effecting behavioural change privately among themselves, but ensure they contribute publicly to work to prevent abuse and progress equality.
With this in mind, it was interesting over the weekend to see calls for such an approach from within Scotland’s campaign against domestic violence, which is traditionally an all-female sphere. Speaking at a global conference on domestic abuse in Canada, dentist Christine Goodall of the charity Medics Against Violence argued it was high time more men were given a place at the table so they could not only share their insights into male behaviour, but contribute to policy and instigate practical training to help others of their sex stand up against perpetrators and change attitudes.
It’s entirely understandable that organisations set up to help women escape domestic abuse are populated by other women. Having a safe place where victims can be supported towards recovery is always likely to involve a predominantly female-only approach. But, as pointed out by Ms Goodall, if all such groups are only ever made up entirely of women, solely managed by women and seek only views and contributions from women, then this can be reductive and unhelpful.
As those seeking equality across gender, race and class boundaries regularly highlight, perception is all important and being perceived as “anti-men” surely won’t help solve anything. Recent lessons from wider society also show that treating one side or other as hostile rarely has a positive impact on behaviour.
This doesn’t mean that men should tell women how to run the campaign against domestic abuse - it simply means they should be encouraged to play a bigger role in dealing with the problem.
And in my mind exactly the same approach must be taken to other gender-based inequalities such as the gender pay gap, the lack of women in top leadership roles and professions such as science, computing and technology, as well as abusive behaviours like workplace harassment.
Surely if the last few weeks have taught us anything, it’s that none of these things, which continue to cause such hurt, pain and unhappiness to half of the population, are “women’s problems”. In fact, if anything they can more accurately be described as men’s issues. But as long as women allow them to be framed in the old way, many men can and will continue to plead ignorance.
If we accept that men are the problem, society must ensure they play an equal part in the solution. And an important part of this will be women not only allowing them, but actively helping them get involved in all areas of gender equality.
We can’t get away from the fact that men still hold much of the power in society; but women must ensure they don’t inadvertently hold them back from effecting the sort of change that will lead to healthier and happier lives for both sexes.
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