It’s been a good week for ... DIY dunces
We've all done it: wandered around the big blue-and-yellow Ikea shed and been lulled into serene confidence over the assembly of higledydrors. Finally locating said item in the yet-more-confusing warehouse, we've celebrated with loganberry juice, a meatball and some pickled herring.
Perhaps we got so into the mood, we also bought something completely pointless, like a pot with five-foot twigs in it. Then you head home with the ill-judged flatpack sticking out of the car boot.
Then the fun starts. Joint A, bolt C, screw Z. Washer F. Where the eff is washer F? Those instructions – sorry, just drawings – should come with the number of good divorce lawyer.
Well, you get higledydrors assembled in the end. But it’s messy. Tempers are more frayed than a two-quid rag rug and the loganberry-meatball-herring combo is playing Super Trouper in your guts.
At least the pointless and unnecessary wire basket with the raffia balls in it will look nice. Somewhere. Garage?
This is how Ikea put the why into DIY. But now the flatpack gurus have invented a fancy new type of joint called a wedge dowel which eliminates the need for screws and traditional fixings. Instead of drilling the pieces together, the more haunless of us can just click the parts in place, thanks to wee protrusions which slot into pre-drilled holes.
Ikea plans to launch the new system across all its furniture products, starting with the particularly tricky Lisabo table.
Once erected, it will be the perfect place to display those raffia balls.
It’s been a bad week for ... garden furniture
A marble container used as a flowerpot at Blenheim Palace has turned out to be a 1700-year-old Roman sarcophagus.
It was spotted by an antiques expert and has been valued at £300,000.
Until recently it featured in the palace's rock garden displaying flowers but has since been moved indoors to protect it.
I expect that palace management are now off to Ikea to get a replacement plant pot for their rock garden. They might even buy twigs and some raffia balls.
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